Married Life of a Rebel Wife

“So tell me, why did you let yourself go”

This question has been at the back of my mind since I was asked it around 3 weeks ago. The most disturbing thing about this question is that there is an implied statement within it. It’s saying “hey, you have let yourself go”. Now I have nothing against the person who asked me this question. I know her and love her and I know she meant this without any malice. In fact, when she asked me this a few weeks ago I basically just laughed it off. Then I found myself reflecting on this question — over and over again.

What does it mean? Why does she think I have let myself go? Do I feel like I have let myself go? So many questions and I don’t have any straight answer to any of them.

Letting oneself go basically refers to the physical appearance. So I assume she’s referring to the fact that I gained a gazillion pounds since high school and have stopped wearing so much make-up. I also stopped shopping for clothes, etc. So maybe, just maybe that’s what she was getting at.

To answer her question, I suppose it’s because there’s absolutely no need to get all primped up right now. And, living in a one income home I suppose it’s also not practical. I go out either with Ruy or with my daughter. Sabrina doesn’t care at all about how I look or what I’m wearing . Ruy on the other hand has never ever complimented me when I’m fully made up. It’s always when I’m not wearing make-up and in my house clothes. (PS, the last time he complimented me, I had barbecue stains on my shirt. Now that I think about it, I think it’s the barbecue sauce he found attractive) So what the hell is the point of getting all gussied up? To make other people happy? But I don’t care about other people!

I must admit though. I think I’ve become a bit too complacent when it comes to Ruy. I guess I feel so secure and so I don’t really feel the need to exert more effort. That’s very unhealthy and I really must do something about this.

I realized amidst my reflection that what my friend viewed as “letting myself go” I viewed as a shifting of priorities.  I have stopped needing that external validation from random strangers. I used to get a sort of high knowing someone was interested in me. In college I was astounded by how easy it was to have guys fawning over you….a bit of cleavage, a smile, make up…that’s it. But then I realized how unimportant those all were. Because eventually that guy who was fawning over you will find a bigger cleavage, a better smile, etc. and then what happens?

I know I should shape up. If not for vanity then for health reasons. And maybe, one of these days I’ll get my lazy ass going because my husband and daughter deserve a better me — I deserve a better me.

“To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction”  - Newton’s Law

When I was in college one of my best friends hit me.  Now, this best friend also happens to be the Summa Cum Laude for our entire batch so to say that he was a nerd would be quite accurate. One day, out of nowhere, he decided to hit me. I was surprised and I said “What the hell?” and he said “You see Newton’s Law dictates that when I hit you you also hit me back so there’s no need to try to take revenge on me”. I am not sure what happened after, I have a vague recollection of me running after him and him saying something more about Newton.

This came to mind while I was in a heated argument with Ruy yesterday. Somehow, we both felt like we were victims. Ruy was so pissed at me and I was just staring at him boggled. How could I feel like he’s being an ass and he is feeling like he’s such a martyr and I’m being a bitch? We experienced the exact same thing yet our experiences our minds apart. So I would say something trying to break down his argument and it would result in him saying something like “See, you’re being mean again” and then he would say something and I would say “Oh now who’s being mean”. In the end it really didn’t matter who was being hurtful or not, we were both hurt.

The fighting didn’t last long. And honestly, it was a stupid argument to begin with (it was about pulled pork sandwiches can you believe?). But after a while I started to back down, I realized that there’s a threshold in arguments that you shouldn’t cross and in relationships when you fight nobody wins.

We’re close — myself and I. We talk to each other all the time. Sometimes we argue. Sometimes we debate. Often times we play devil’s advocate with each other. We’re very close.

–0–

So yes, I talk to myself ALL THE TIME.

–0–

One time, I wanted to invite Ruy out when he got home from work. I was ready for him to say no and I had a practice fight with myself to prepare myself to argue and whine to Ruy. I felt very prepared and as soon as I got the chance I told Ruy I wanted to go out.

He said “Ok”, I was left in shock. I told him it can’t be that easy cause I practiced arguing with him. He indulged me and let me tell him all my arguments.

As we were about to sleep Ruy tried conversing with me. It proved to be an exercise in futility as we both couldn’t understand what the othe was saying. I told him that we should just stop talking as we can’t seem to communicate with each other that night. Ruy turned to me and exclaimed:

“Well why don’t we try communicating through music then…”

He said this with such a straight face and I almost peed myself laughing. Sometimes Ruy really surprises me with the silliest statements.

Affective, Cognitive, Behavioral. It’s what we feel, what we think and what we do. Psychology believes that they’re all linked to one another. That doing one influences the other. So if for example I don’t like cats. I can start stroking cats, embracing, them, feeding them and eventually I will have a feeling for liking towards cat. This feeling will then lead me to believe that hey, I now like cats.

I find that this proves to be true in relationships too.  One book I read before talked about the power of touch in a married couple’s relationship. It talks about the need to have as much physical contact (not necessarily sexual) as possible. It recommended touching your partner in a loving way. Even if it’s just holding hands, etc.

This book goes beyond just touching or hugging when you’re happy and in love. It said it’s even more important to hug and kiss and hold each other (once again in a non sexual way) when you’re pissed and annoyed at each other.  It goes back to what psychology says…when you do something repeatedly you start having feelings related to your actions. When you want to scream at your husband yet you embrace him…eventually you’ll start feeling loving feelings again.

This is incredibly hard to do….specially when strangling your partner sounds more enticing than hugging them.

Ruy blew me away with his gift. He told me he recorded himself singing something for me. I normally don’t like opening presents when the giver is in front of me so I asked Ruy to leave the room while I listened to his song. I loved the song. It was incredibly sweet. I was unfamiliar with the song so I typed in the lyrics on the internet trying to find out who sang the song, the title, etc.

I was so frustrated as I could not find anything related to the song he was singing. When he went back in I asked him what song that was as I couldn’t find the lyrics online. Imagine my surprise when he told me he made it for me. Oh my GOD. I literally cried. It was the sweetest thing I could ever imagine.

When you’ve been with someone as long as I have been with Ruy you sometimes forget how much you mean to each other. Sometimes I wonder if Ruy is just with me cause he’s stuck with me. It’s nice to be reminded that I matter that much to him…real nice.

I used to define romance as grandiose acts or someone professing his or her love to another. In my mind it would involve dozens of flowers with petals scattered all over. There would be beautiful Votive candle holders creating a warm glow throughout the room. There would be oysters and champagne and strawberries and truffles.

Not anymore. The flowers would be a waste of money. Scattered petals are messy…who the hell would clean that up? Votive candle holders are still okay, but let’s limit it to one or too. I don’t want the house to burn. Oysters, Champagne and Strawberries, and Truffles….okay but one at a time.

Romance has been completely redefined. Romance is a guy who asks you out on a date cause he feels like the time you have together is not enough. Then he researches on possible dinner places to ‘impress’ you. Then he lets you choose anyway and doesn’t whine when you choose a resto not included on his research. Then it’s shopping for things for your daughter together. That my friend is romance.

I was thinking about friends and friendships when I realized that my bestfriend right now is Ruy. Wow…that’s seriously a shocker for me!

I asked myself when that happened? I used to hate it when Ruy treated me like a friend and not as a girlfriend (obviously this was an issue before we became husband and wife). We even had one major fight over this, and now here I am thinking that he’s my best friend?

I guess it happened when I started whining to him (and not to other people) about things I didn’t like in and about our relationship. I guess it happened when I realized that this is that one person who knows practically all my bad habits and still accepts (and loves) me. 

It could have happened when I cried to him after getting hurt at work.  (and no dear people from the office, this was not recent…although I cried about that too)  I don’t like having people see me cry. Somehow with Ruy it feels okay.

It could have happened when I told him for the first time last year “I’m scared”. Wow…I have never uttered those two words to anyone before.

It also could have happened when I realized that it’s hard for me to find someone who matches my level intellectually. This is not a matter of intelligence but a matter of wavelength. Some people are just in a different frequency altogether. (It’s even hard for me to find someone with the same frequency in my own family.) I don’t know if you guys have ever felt this way but sometimes when I talk to people I kinda understand what they’re saying and I can respond appropriately but I never really feel like I can say whatever I want to say and it would be accepted and understood.  Take me and my cousins, I always feel like an outsider joining them when I talk to them. Yes we’re all nice and cordial but the conversations are just….different. I guess the wonderful thing about what I have with Ruy is that I don’t feel like an outsider anymore.

This is a guy who appreciates my brand of humor. This is the guy who can take my sarcasm and would even call it wit. (I’ve barely used sarcasm in my family…it just won’t fly) This is a guy who appreciates talking about Business Strategies one time, Psychology the next, then Will Ferrel. Who else would do that with me?

I’ve been asked what I like most about Ruy…I guess it’s the fact that he’s my best friend in the truest meaning of the word.  

I asked Ruy not to give me flowers for tomorrow. I think there are stages in my life when I need that kind of affirmation but right now I don’t need jewelry or Nixon watches or flowers. Ruy has been making me feel very secure already.

These past few weeks have been extremely difficult. Starting from the death of my cousin to some professional issues…Ruy’s been so supportive through it all.

Two days ago I was stressed about a presentation I had to give on my strategy for my new team. It was extremely hard because I’ve only been in this post for 3 days and coming up with a concrete strategy is difficult. I worked on the presentation at home (imagine I was working instead of spending quality time with Ruy) and spent the night tossing ideas with Ruy.

I woke up the next day to find that Ruy spent the night researching online and found a paper on the strategies for insourcing (my new department is involved in insourcing). Isn’t that awesome? 

So really, who needs flowers when you have a husband like that.  

One day, in the middle of a 10-day long road trip, the boy and his girlfriend were fighting. Then the boy pulled over and went down to stretch his legs. The girl didn’t join him cause she was still pissed (never mind that her legs felt like lead).

When the boy went back inside the car he gave the girl a bunch of wild flowers he picked. The girl was happy….and they drove happily ever after.

This happened almost 3 and a half years ago….why is this story relevant? Cause I found a picture of the flowers:

And yes…the boy in the story was Ruy circa 2005

Yeah, we argue. Yes, we fight. Yes I whine about him sometimes. I realized that at the end of the day, I have a really awesome husband.

Last Friday Ruy was really pissed off at me cause of something I did….yup it was completely my fault. The next day I left really early to go to school. As I was going home at around 12pm I received a text saying that lunch was waiting. I found that extremely sweet considering he was mad at me.

When I got home, I found out that he cooked something specially for me just so I’d have something to eat. (A few posts down I talked about my not being allowed to eat A WHOLE LOT OF THINGS) Not only that, he said he actually went online to research the things I’m not supposed to eat and he looked for recipes for me. AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Told you my husband’s awesome. (Can someone please remind me of this incident when I’m pissed off at him in the future?)

Vicki told me about a book one of her friends read which talks about the 5 love languages we all use. I found the concept really interesting (y’all know I’m a self-help junkie) so I googled the book and landed on this site.

I took the test to find out what love language I use and here is my result:

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

AMAZING. This sounds just like me. I wonder what Ruy’s result would be. I have my guesses but I’d rather he take the test himself.

Or not to nag. That is the question. *Sigh*

I try hard not to nag, specially cause I know I have a tendency to do so. This morning as I was getting ready to go to work I saw that our tankless water heater was left open while the shower was closed.  I have asked the last person (who shall remain nameless) who used the shower to make sure the heater is always turned off after use.

I wanted to nag and nag but then it was 6:30 in the morning. I don’t want to start the day like that. So I decided to just turn off the heater myself and to keep quiet. Aaaarrrrggghhh…trying to be nice is soooo hard.

Last night Ruy, Andrea and I  went to church last night. We usually go to the church near our house but we decided to go elsewhere due to our plans for that day. When I stepped into the church I felt a surge of overwhelming emotions. I cannot believe that I am stepping into that church with my husband and my daughter. I used to go to that church when I was Andrea’s age and now I’m hearing mass there with her.

I was so overwhelmed that my eyes started tearing up. I hid my tears from Ruy as seeing me cry would open up a deluge of questions starting with “What did I do?”…I just didn’t want to deal with that at that point. I don’t know why but at that very moment everything felt right. I realized how much I have going for me. I realized how lucky I was to have the support system I have. I realized how loved I am by Ruy, by Andrea, by my family. It made me even more emotional. 

If you would look at some of my posts here and in my other blog, you would see that I have been thinking about relationships a lot lately. There are lots of notions presented to us by media: by romantic books(i.e. Twilight), romantic movies and romantic shows that make it so easy for a normal woman to be dissatisfied with what she has. I was lucky enough to stumble upon helpful books and sites such as these that are…well, really helpful. Here’s one thing I got from that site:

What is happening that so many couples are falling out of love?

Could it be we expect too much? Do we think marriage is about living in a constant state of extreme passion and euphoria? Are we wanting our spouse to solve all our problems, fulfill all our dreams, and be the perfect man or woman?

Or maybe we forget that our marriage is only as successful as the couple makes it.

Perhaps we don’t feel love because we have stopped loving?

Interesting isn’t it? 

When Ruy and I were dating we were talking about the situation of another couple and he said something which struck me “The best way to make someone fall in love with you is by showing that person just how much you love her.”

I think that in our relationships we often try to look at what we’re getting instead of what we’re giving.  We look at how much we are being loved instead of how much we are loving. If everyone thought that way…no one would be happy at all. 

• Yes, everyone around me is right, Andrea is no longer a baby. She’s a little girl.
• My extended family can be overwhelming.
• Ruy doesn’t like pokpok red lipstick…I do. =)
• I love silence.
• Despite what people think, I am a simple person. (except in the food department, i’m not simple in this area)
• I like Sunday afternoons.
• Andrea is the smartest baby in the planet…this is my blog and I am the mother so no one can dispute this. =) You are free to exalt your kids in your own blog hahaha
• I love my grandmother to pieces but she drives me nuts as well. Every single day she bugs me to exercise and to look for the  best diet pills out there. She also wants me to take Gluthatione to make me fair. It has never occured to her that I am actually satisfied with how I look…flaws and all.
• This has been a really really really tough year…but I’ve never been happier specially with my little family.
• I am so lucky to have found Ruy…that guy loves me to pieces, sometimes I don’t even know why he does. 
• I read in a book that people usually want attention, affection and love but once it’s being given to them they reject it cause they don’t think they’re worthy of it. I am sooo guilty of this.
• I think I was born in this world to make Andrea feel as loved as she really is. That way she can spend her life spreading that love around…this thought came over me while I was brushing…weird huh?
• I’ve been practicing how to be honest about my feelings about things with Ruy…he’s having a hard time believing, sad cause he’s gotten to used to my hiding my feelings in the past.
• I actually dread Mondays now…I also am taking advantage of offsetting all my extra hours and I really look forward to going home. Am I loving my family more or beginning to hate my work? Hmmmm
• I still adore my team and my boss…
• I created my dream Christmas Gift list for the people I love and like…I’ll share them later.
• I should answer Vicki’s tag or she’ll be pissed. She might stop baking cupcakes…then I’ll be pissed. tsk tsk tsk
• I now see Ruy’s family as my own. Ruy still has a long way to go…he doesn’t dislike my family he just is not as comfortable…my family really takes A LOT of getting used to.

Can you see how many thoughts are buzzing around my mind? They’re all not connected to each other as well.

Trust me to make the simplest thing complicated like say frying bacon. A task which should be so easy a grade schooler can do it….sigh.

So I cut those bacon slabs as thinly as I could…put a teeny tiny bit of oil on the pan (i had to put a bit of oil cause the bacon slabs were so thick…) and gently placed the first slab of bacon. This caused the oil to start popping and a few drops landed on my hands and arms.  This scared me into taking drastic measures, I decided to stand back and sort of throw the rest of the bacon into the pan.

What happened? I am now a spotted Liv with marks all over my chest and cleavage area. The worst part? Since I now weigh as much as two Jonas brothers…that part was supposed to be the only part I can still show with confidence. Hay. Next time I try remind me that I’m not cut out for this house wife thingamajig

Times are hard. I think this is something we really can’t deny. When you have a country filing for bankruptcy…you know rock bottom isn’t too far away. Times are scary that’s true and I just try to look at the small blessings I have.

I know it sounds simple but sometimes looking for small blessings can be sooo hard. So here are my small blessings for the day:

1. Ruy (I realized yesterday what a genuinely nice guy he is)

2. Andrea

3. Gas prices (the gas station near our house sells unleaded gas for 46.9, that’s 12 peso less than around 8 months ago)

4.  group health insurance rates I was able to get courtesy of my company.

5. My job

6. A family who really dotes on my daughter.

7. A team I adore.

I’ll leave it at 7 for now, that should be enough for the week. =)

I have at one point confessed through this blog that I am addicted to Oprah. It’s not Oprah herself that I love, it’s her guests and the wealth of wisdom they bring. I think of Oprah as a buffet of insights and ideas. I just pick the ones which tickle my fancy and ignore the rest.

The Oprah Buffet stuffed me with relationship insight last night.

The show I watched was a follow up show on a couple who wanted to quit smoking. During the first show, the couple gave their sides of the story on why they smoke why they cannot quit, etc. You can see from their dynamics that the addiction to smoking was the symptom of something bigger. Oprah and the Dr. Oz saw that too. They called a marriage therapist and yesterday’s show revolved around that.

The therapist (I feel so bad about forgetting his name) really gave me so much to think about. He started out by saying that we are in relationships to heal all our past issues. This is why relationships are hard. You have two people with two lifetime’s worth of issues trying to heal at the same time. The most difficult part is the fact that more often than not, these people don’t even know that they have issues or that they need to heal. They just feel themselved becoming offended, hurt, slighted by things which trigger past issues. 

This therapist goes on to label the first three parts of a relationship. He starts with the honeymoon stage or the romantic stage. This is usually the only thing we see in movies. This is why so many people are disillusioned when they reach the other stages. He goes on to describe this part as the anaesthesia we need in order to prepare ourselves for the other parts.

The second part is the power struggle.  Unfortunately Andrea woke up at this point and I missed the detailed explanation. I would think though that it’s that point when you try to establish the dynamics of the relationship. Which person’s brand of butter do we really buy? (Ruy and I used different brands for practically everything and reaching an agreement was not easy).  How do we decide what to do over the weekend. Who plays which role in rearing our child? Etc, etc, etc.  I think Ruy and I got here last year and I think we’re slowly establishing our roles and getting ready to go to the next stage.

The most difficult and probably the longest stage is the healing part. This is where we try to resolve our childhood hurts, our issues. Do you know the saying you marry your mother or your father…this is apparently the reason. You marry someone like them in order for you to resolve issues you’ve had. The therapist pointed out that we end up marrying people who somehow manage to bring out 95% of our issues. You know those traits in your husbands you find annoying? Try to figure out which issue you have with yourself mirrors that.

The therapist said that before even beginning the healing we need to ask ourselves and our partners: What does a perfect marriage look like to you. Such a simple question yet I know how powerful it can be. Most of our frustrations come from our personal expectations….our expectations which our partners might not share. It’s extremely important to know what the other person is looking for. 

I texted the question to Ruy last night and he promised to talk to me today about his answers. I better begin to think of my answer as well cause I honestly don’t know. 

While driving to work I realized that Ruy is my One-man Fan Club. I have never had anyone believe in me in the way he does. It’s amazing what he believes I can do, what he thinks of my principles, my IQ, my EQ (if any) it’s almost insane how much this guy believes in me. 

Yesterday, Ruy did things which made me happy. They were small gestures but heaven knows how big the effects were.  It’s almost ridiculous how those little things made me so happy…

My grandmother is an excellent cook. Her dishes are literally to die for. I have decided to make her teach me how to cook everyday Pinoy dishes.

My cooking experiments have been quite successful and I think it’s time to take this cooking thing to the next level. My first lesson will be this Wednesday, she’s teaching me how to cook adobo. Here’s our schedule:

Week 1 – Adobo

Week 2 – Mechado

Week 3 – Beef Steak

Week 4 – Pochero

Week 5 – Nilaga (yes this seems simple but I’ve tasted too many nilagas which tasted like Water)

Week 6 – Lechon Kawali (Ruy’s crazy over this)

Week 7 – Escabecheng Tagalog

Week 8 – Frying 101

Week 9 – The Art of Using the Pressur Cooker

Week 10 – The Turbo Cooker

Week 11 – Sinigang

Week 12 – Morcon

I can’t wait!! By the way, she doesn’t know she’s going to be teaching me all of this, right now she just thinks she’s teaching me adobo this Wednesday. =)

I am so excited, Ruy and I have a project coming up. We’re going to be planning and researching and saving. I am not going to spill the beans but I can tell you that it would entail looking at cheap hotels and affordable flights.

I think it’s about time we did this. We haven’t done this since getting married and I think we deserve it. I could very easily plan the whole thing but I want it to be a joint project. Something we’ll do together from start to finish.

Wish us luck!

I feel stumped, I’ll be attending my nth bridal shower and I seriously don’t know what to give anymore. I feel like everything I’ve been giving is too cliche. In the past I would either give naughty toys, bridal lingerie, copy of the Kama Sutra, or a book on marriage for those who are a bit conservative. What does one give during these times anyway?

Guess who lost 6 pounds in 2 weeks? Guess guess guess?

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Can you believe it? My OB said ”What have you been doing?” and I couldn’t give a single answer. I said I didn’t know what I was doing and she said ”Well you must be doing something…”. I think she was getting frustrated at the fact that I wouldn’t reveal my secret. If only she knew that I  couldn’t tell her my secret because I didn’t have any.

Looking back, I think it was because I started saying no to Ruy’s midnight snacks. That must be it huh? 

It’s scary how accurate this test is…

Your Love Life is Like Annie Hall

“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.”You believe that love (if you even believe in love!) is a very complicated thing.Maybe love is pain. Or maybe it’s all a big therapy session. You’re still figuring it out. Your love style: Brainy and a bit neurotic Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Realistic and reflective

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

I know of people who seem to be in love with love.

They associate love with the feeling of infatuation, the giddiness the goosebumps, the chills.

This is the kind of love we see in movies, the kind of love people write poems about. I don’t agree that this is love.

People have dubbed me as “bato”, “manhid”, too logical, cynical or even jaded because I don’t see love as they do.  I almost believed them.

I realized now that I do believe in love, but I know of love in a different way. I see this form of love everyday in different relationships and I am awed at how beautiful it is. I see it in so many ways:

• I see it in a couple with strong personalities who are both willing to look beyond the beliefs they’ve had since childhood to consider the possibility that maybe their partner’s point of view is right.
• It’s in a person who tries very hard to sugar coat what she needs to say in order for the partner not to get hurt.
• It’s when someone decides to leave everything comfortable and familiar in order to be in a place the other person is happy in.
• It’s when a person feels strongly that things are supposed to be done in a certain way but lets go because doing things the “wrong” way is very important to the other person.
• It’s when a person who’s used to having things done her way suddenly pauses to think about what the other person might think.
• It’s when a couple endures the pain and discomfort of arguing over a point knowing that this will make their relationship stronger.
• It’s when a person feels comfortable enough to be himself with another.
• It’s when a person tries out things he doesn’t particularly like because it pleases another.  
• It’s the security one gets when in a relationship

I see these in my relationship and in my friends’ and I realize that I like this kind of love better than any kilig I can get.

Last night Ruy and I had the dorkiest conversation while watching American Idol:

Ruy was staring at me and this is our conversation:

Ruy: You’re so pretty

Ruy: Buti na lang sinagot mo ako. Bakit mo ba ako sinagot?

Liv: Di naman kita sinagot eh…

Ruy: Huh?

Liv: Di mo naman ako niligawan eh.

Ruy: Eh mag-ano tayo?

Liv: M.U.!

And then we just started snorting like crazy….what a bunch of dorks

Does one every end up actually completing one’s home? It seems that our house has been in a constant state of finishing for the past couple of months. We’ve been doing so many things yet it’s still not completed!! We still have SOOOO many things to do.

First we have no storage. Next we have nowhere to hang our clothes. We also don’t have curtains or curtain rods. We also don’t have Andrea’s cabinets and the yaya’s cabinets and sleeping area.

We are still lacking so many things it’s becoming quite tiring! 

A lot of people here have sent me emails asking me what I gave Ruy for Father’s Day. I don’t want to go into the details of this but I gave him a head start to a new image. Some shirts, pants, glasses, etc. It was not a lot but it was enough to make him happy despite the fact that I didn’t give him the pair of golf shoes that he’s been drooling over. (couldn’t afford it)…hehehe

Yeah right, the QA Team at work would probably be laughing their asses off imagining me being sweet.

Well, at least I tried! Not that it was any success…

I guess being sweet is really not my forte. Why do I even try? ….nuninuninu

I’ve heard a bunch of people talking about trophy wives. They seem to look down on women who are being paraded around by their husbands like a bunch of baseball trophies. I was slightly amused by this conversation.  I personally have nothing against being treated like a Trophy Wife. Why, I think it’s actually very sweet if your husband holds you in such high esteem that he considers you so such a catch and you end up being a trophy wife. I think the problem is that some people are only that, they are just there for aesthetics and for appearances.

That’s something I don’t agree with. 

Appearances and beauty for me are too temporal, too fleeting to base a relationship on.  There are always going to be people who would be younger, sexier and prettier than your wife and what happens when you find that person?

I had the best 5-day-Mother’s-Day-Celebration ever in the history of the world. It’s not because of the extravagance or the expense, but how perfectly it fit me.

Thursday was perfect cause I got to do something I’ve been meaning to do for months and haven’t gotten around to doing so which is visit my doctor. I also got to spend practically a whole day with my family which made it doubly fun.

Friday was amazing. It was perfect cause I got to go on a road trip with two of my favorite people. I’m sensitive when it comes to road trips, I can’t just go with anyone. But this trip was just perfect. The food was awesome, the company great, I felt taken cared off and pampered.

Saturday was the day Ruy insisted on celebrating Mother’s day together without Andrea. I said “What for? We celebrated already yesterday” and he said that was with Andrea, now it’s our turn. It was perfect cause it made me feel that I wasn’t just a mother, that I was a wife too. It reminded me of an often neglected role in my life.

This was the same day Ruy pointed out that I kept on buying the same kinds of shades and asked me to try on some other kind. It was beautiful. He insisted on buying it for me (I wouldn’t let him, don’t underestimate my pulling powers). It was perfect cause I realized that after 8 years together he still notices these details. Details which I myself overlook. It was perfect cause I can see that he knows me well enough to know what fits me and what I’d like.

Sunday was spent with my inlaws having the yummiest lunch ever. It was perfect cause I’m beginning to feel more and more like family.

Monday was spent sleeping the whole day suffering from migraine. It was perfect because I got to take care of myself. I got to experience not being responsible for anything and still the world continued to revolve. I realized I don’t need to worry about everything. I needed to worry about myself.

Mother’s day this year was perfect. Thursday was spent being a sister and a daughter, Friday a mother, Saturday a wife, Sunday an inlaw and Monday being myself. It was beautiful, it was complete, it was perfect.

I’m selos-jealous yet again.  It’s a Philippine Holiday and since I chose to be on French Holiday then I am at work. I left for work just as Ruy and Andrea were in the garden playing. Huhuhu…I so want to be playing with Andrea right now. I do think I had a whole lot of Andrea over the weekend, but then you can never have enough of a good thing right?

Thank goodness I love my work (I might have to rethink this statement soon) and so going to work is not as difficult as it probably is for most moms.

Ruy is currently into golf. I’m actually surprised at how into this sport he’s become. He bought his own set of clubs from this place which sells clubs and golf bags . The clubs looked great but I just had to laugh when I saw the bag. Can you imagine a big man like Ruy carrying a gold bag with a huge teddy bear on it? It’s hilarious I’m telling you. Now I can say that Ruy has golf clubs and a golf CUB…hahaha.

I feel so frustrated. No matter what I do, at least one of my masters would be unhappy or dissatisfied. The more I try to please every one, the more I end up pleasing no one.  I also end up questionning if I’m actually good enough to take on any of the roles I’m trying to fill.  =(

What frustrates me more is the fact that I know I am good enough….hell ,I’m awesome!!  I know that…but I don’t feel that way at all right now.

I was tagged by Litzie. =) 

 How long did you date? 5 Years

How old is he? He’s turning 30 this year

Who eats more? Waaaah. I hope he does

Who said “I love you” first? Him, I’m quite stingy with my affection

Who is taller? Him as well, over 8 inches taller than myself

Who sings better? Oh him definitely

Who is smarter? It depends….let me put it this way, my non negotiable when it comes to a partner is intelligence.

Whose temper is worse? He’s scary when he gets mad, but i get mad faster.

Who does the laundry? The maid

Who does the dishes? The maid

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Ruy

Who pays the bills? Moi!

Who mows the lawn? NONE!! It needs to trimmed badly

Who cooks dinner? Ruy!! His cooking is awesome

Who drives when you are together? I always push him to drive but he really wants me to

Who is more stubborn? I think both of us are equally stubborn

Who kissed who first? Ruy…tsk tsk tsk…I almost slapped him…but I didn’t…hmmm

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Ruy

Whose parents do you see the most? Ruy’s

Who proposed? He did.

Who is more sensitive? Ruy

Who has more friends? I’m not sure

Who has more siblings? We both only have one.

Who wears the pants in the family? Hmmmm….let’s just say that no one wears a skirt in this relationship 

I tag Nikki, Jane and Jen =)

One step at a time,

One hope then another,

Who knows where this road may go.

 (insert Olivia’s wistful sigh here)

Note: I was listening to some songs while working on an excel file (I suck at excel) and just had to take a minute off to write this. 

Before we got married, Ruy and I already had a division of labor which we thought was fair at that time. He is the big cook and he hates washing the dishes. I on the other hand enjoyed the bubbles and water and liked washing dishes.  It seemed perfectly logical at that time to assign the task of cooking to Ruy and washing to me.

I am re-thinking this set-up now as I have seen just how Ruy cooks. He’s like a madman when he’s cooking.  He obsesses over a dish…then when he’s cooking that he thinks of what other things he can pair up with what he’s cooking. Pots and pans are everywhere when he’s done.

I’m thinking it’s time to get a dishwasher. I looked up the best brands online as I’m not so familiar with this appliance and I saw that the dishwasher with the best reviews is the ge dishwasher .  It seems to be the perfect balance between price and quality. Do any of you have ge dishwashers? Can you give me any feedback on ge dishwashers.

Now, if Ruy’s cooking and the dishwasher’s washing…what do I do?

I EAT!!!

Valentine’s day is coming. Are you one of those people who go all out for this occassion? I have a friend who’s actually going to buy a plasma tv for her boyfriend. BOYFRIEND okay not even husband.

I personally think that’s going too far too soon. I wouldn’t mind getting one for Ruy as I’m sure he’d go crazy over it, unfortunately I only have budget for a plasma lift right now…so sorry Ruy, you might have to wait for 5 years more…hehehe

As I have mentioned a few posts down, Ruy and I celebrated err commemorated our 7th year anniversary as a couple.

Ruy actually was inviting me to go and watch a movie with him last night but I said no. I just didn’t feel like it. I have never been a movie person and I would just be as happy staying at home watching something on DVD. That is sooo much more relaxing for me.

I realized though that turning down that offer might be insensitive. Here he is planning and scheming on how we can celebrate and he gives me a suggestion and I blast it immediately.

Oh well… 

It was 7 years ago, during the height of the Edsa Dos rallies when Ruy and I got together.

At that time, it was just something fun. We both wanted it to last but I don’t think either one of us could have predicted the turn of events and where we are right now.

It’s been one hell of a journey, and I’m sure we have so much in store for us and our Andrea.

Can’t wait!

Ruy and I are couch potatoes. Not that we are proud of it, but we’re just stating it as it is. We’re happy quietly watching episode after episode of our favorite series or reality show. We have several things we’ve been drooling over that would make our couch potato world’s even better. First we want those Omron massage chairs…mmmmm. The ones that massage you from the neck down and up again. Then we went a screen the size of a small movie house….and lastly we want some home theater popcorn machines where you can get popcorn which you can drizzle with freshly melted butter…Dream on Olivia

Today I was faced with a decision….should I buy shoes or a food processor. Had you asked me a year ago what I would choose I would have very easily said the shoe. But lo and behold, things have apparently changed a lot because I actually chose to buy a food processor.

I am still reeling from this decision. I myself am in shock. Is this the start of the domestication of livi….ewww I shudder at the thought. 

That’s what you can call Andrea and myself. We’ve been so grumpy lately as we’re both sick. I don’t know how Ruy can stand it actually but he is somehow able to manage it. 

Andrea is being absolutely horrible. She barely sleeps and just keeps on crying. I keep on telling her “Honey I can’t give you what you want cause you don’t even know what you want.”  She’s extremely cranky and we’re basically tip toeing around her right now.

It’s so tough cause we can’t give her anything because of the drug recalls in the US several of our doctors have already warned us against it so I’d rather not risk letting Andrea take anything.

I hope she gets better soon…a cranky baby leads to a cranky Mommy…poor Ruy

First Ruy caught colds. Then Andrea had her vaccination which caused her immune system to go down which means she got Ruy’s colds. Now my throat is starting to itch and I’m feeling a bit weak…I’m pretty sure I’m coming down with something as well.

I feel bad cause I feel like my family’s unhealthy. Ruy and I have already agreed to stop eating junk food starting January 1 but I’m beginning to wonder if we might possibly need some nutritional supplements as well.

I don’t know why but I feel like it’s a failure on my part when my family’s sick. =(

A lot of my guy friends complain that it’s so hard to find gifts for girls. I do not understand this sentiment.  It is infinitely harder for me to find gifts for boys. I have to really research and look around just to find something for Ruy and more often that not I end up resorting to just asking him what he wants.  And when I do, you know what he says? “ANYTHING!” …aaaaaaarrrggghh

A few days before Christmas and I’m still completely at a loss as to what I should give Ruy.  This is so unlike me. I think motherhood has somehow made me self-centered. I’ve already bought 2 gifts for Andrea….that’s all! Nothing for my nephews and my godchildren. I’m awful I’m telling you…just awful!

Ruy is extremely easy to please yet I’m having a hard time thinking of a gift for him.  I think he would like these memorabilia from movies. Ruy’s a sucker for these things and the site I saw offers really wonderful ones. Not only are they autographed by the actors they are also rare. These are not the kinds you find everywhere, these are serious collector items.  I can just imagine Ruy giddily looking at these things. 

I’m sure Ruy would adore the the Star Wars 30th Anniversary memorabilia which is autographed by the actors. It even has Carrie Fisher’s signature. Ruy is one of those men who are mesmerixed by Princess Lea. Don’t ask me why please, I don’t understand it as well. This is definitely perfect for Ruy. The only drawback is one piece costs as much as my car…waaah. It’s definitely worth it but unfortunately I don’t have the budget for it.

I don’t know if you’re all aware of this but RUY and I share a blog. It’s this little project of ours which turned out to be quite a success. How do I say it’s a success? We’ve had it up and running for over 3 months, we have a decent base of readers and we enjoy doing it together. It’s like our 3rd baby (First is our dog Sushi, next will be Andrea and then our blog)

We’ve been talking about getting our own domain but we’re not sure how we should go about it. We don’t want to waste our backlinks and connections but at the same time we realize that having our own domain might be more beneficial for us in the long run. I’ve already looked at this website  http://www.webhostingchoice.com to look at our options.

Does anyone have any advice for non-techie people like us?  

This morning I went to this small shopping center where I ran some errands.  I basically paid credit card bills, water bills, mobile phone bills etc.  I was literally drained at 11:30 in the morning. How can one be so tired a few hours after waking up? 

I am not complaining about my situation…despite all the drama I LOVE my life! I have a job I adore and one that keeps me wanting to go to work and I have Andrea. Ruy and I are also constantly working on making the marriage thing work. Another blessing is the fact that we have a wonderful support system in our extended families. My in-laws are wonderful and are always trying to help out and my family will insist on helping out even when it’s not necessary (yes they’re kulit that way).

I sometimes feel like my life is just a continuous pattern of trying to get everything done, trying to meet deadlines, trying to make the budget fit while trying to keep everyone happy. It’s tiring and frustrating at times. I rarely hear people complain about their lack of time to be just them. It’s not about shopping or going to the parlor…it’s about being YOU. I chanced upon this magazing called Working Mom (the latest issue) and started reading it while waiting for my number to be called…there’s this article that tugged my heartstrings in all angles. It completely captured what I was experiencing and feeling. Let me give you guys a clip from the article:

The office is actually the one place I recover some of the old me. I can run projects with brisk efficiency and take a client to a restaurant without having to cut up his food. But that’s the office. I’m in trouble if work is the only place where I can relax.

“My life is here somewhere,” I thought realizing that I didn’t want those single girls’ definition of fun — I wanted mine. — Joy Perez, Working Mom Magazine Dec. 2007-Jan. 2008

I wish I could share the rest of the article with you but I don’t want to plagiarize anything. This woman captured what I have been going through lately and I swear I want to hug her. It’s nice to know you’re not alone

Andrea has received several gifts from myself already for Christmas but I can’t seem to think of a gift for Ruy.  For the past couple of years I’ve given him watches several times. I don’t know why this is so but it seems to be the trend with my gifts for Ruy (while he in turn keeps giving me wallets). Following this informal tradition, I’m looking into these Franck Muller watches which look very nice. What do you guys think?

When I was young, I thought the term juggling work and home was a hyperbole. I didn’t know that the term juggling is actually an understatement. 

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed yet again by how difficult it is maintaining a stressful job, a growing baby and a part time job (maintaining 3 blogs and maintaining opps).

I had to take Andrea to the doctor yesterday for her IPD vaccination. Not only was it extremely expensive (around 5k) it was also scheduled right smack in the middle of my working schedule.  I was just on leave last Monday due to an accident with my car so I couldn’t possibly go on leave again. I then asked my boss if I could work 13 hours on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday just to offset my Wednesday working hours. He said I’m not allowed to work more than 11 hours…so I had no choice but to work half day on Wednesday.

I then took Andrea with me to work, Andrea decided to use the hour long drive to work for crying. This is strange as she actually enjoys long drives but at that time she was just cranky for some reaason or another. When we got to the office, I left her in the lounge with Mary our trusty helper and then worked for around 4 hours. At that point I was stressing out hoping that Andrea wasn’t disturbing other people.

I then had to rush and drive to Cardinal Santos where her Pedia was. The Pedia only had 2 clinic hours so I was panicked beyond words when the traffic was jammed.

When we got to Cardinal, Andrea was back to her crying/screaming phase and the rain was pouring like there was no tomorrow. It wasn’t raining cats and dogs, it was raining leopards and wolves I’m telling you.

What does one do in situations like this? I drove to the driveway, asked Mary to take Andrea down so I can look for parking.  I had no choice as our umbrella couldn’t have kept Andrea dry under that rain.  

I was then told by the guard that there’s no more parking. I wanted to cry right there and then. Andrea’s there inside the hospital crying and hungry, while I was inside the car with nowhere to park and Andrea’s bottles were all with me. I wasthisclose to having a breakdown right there and then. 

You guys are not going to believe it…but I think my yaya finally saw the light. This morning while driving Andrea to my lola’s house I asked her what else is missing and that she better make sure she won’t forget anything. She then shows me a list she made. She made a list!!! Wooohoo…

Of course the list contained EVERYTHING we buy so my grocery bill reached almost 4k. But that’s better than worrying if your daughter still has something to drink at night. Right?

I feel like Christmas came early today.

So, the yaya strikes again. Yesterday morning she tells me “Ate, dalawa na lang ang diaper.” I take a deep breath count to three and say “Ok”

I didn’t want to argue with her anymore. I feel like it’s futile. Try talking to a wall…that’s how it feels with this yaya.  The problem with her is that she doesn’t learn. One time I asked her to commute to the grocery herself in the middle of the night (okay I’m exagerating here, it was at 8:30 pm) just so she would realize what she’s making me do.  It had no effect though. I have also tried explaining the repercussions of these actions…no effect as well.

So, Ruy and I went to the grocery to buy diaper. 2 hours after she tells me that we only have enough milk for a day.  The morning after, she tells me we have no wipes.

Can I cry now?

1. First name: if he doesn’t like his name plastered all over the internet, a pet name will do.
2. How and where did you meet?
3. Characteristics
4. Your plans 20 to 30 years from now.

1. His Name: Ruy, sometimes to annoy him I call him Ru-ru. We call each other hon sometimes but we get confused. We’re not sure if the other person’s talking to Andrea or us.

2. How we met? Common friends…

3. Characteristics of Ruy?

• Focused – when he wants something he gets cranky when he doesn’t get it. Think PMS-ing.
• He’s a movie; tv-show junkie. He can watch movies all day long.
• Hard-core child of the 80s. He listens to eighties songs all the time.  He actually likes some songs of David Pomeranz. He can tell you about Voltron, Transformers, GI Joes, Perfect Strangers, A-team and That’s Entertainment…hehehe 
• He cooks sooooo well. I’m in love with around 95% of what he cooks.
• He moves slowly. I’m quick, hasty and careless while he’s slow and deliberate. 
• He gets excited over the littlest thing. This makes it so much fun to do things with him
• He’s smart. It’s weird cause he’s smart in ways I’m not…He can look at things so logically that you begin to doubt if you’re right.

4. Our 20-30 year plan

• Maybe a baby sister or brother for Andrea? 
• Living somewhere where we can see where our taxes our going 
• Be secure enough with each other so much so that we don’t need the feeling of being in love in order to be sure we love each other.
• Still be working. I love working
• Handle our finances, our relationships, our families better.
• Be able to help our families even if they don’t need help

 I’m now tagging my husband, Jen and Litzie. =)

My yaya is driving me insane. She always waits up until the last minute before she tells us that something’s missing which results in multiple trips to the grocery within the week. For someone like me who barely has time to pee, this is not fun at all.

Monday. I drive home at around 9 pm but I had to stop by the grocery at 9:30 so I can buy diapers and Cerelac for Andrea.

Tuesday. Morning. She tells me that Andrea doesn’t have food anymore. I tell her I already bought food.

Tuesday. Lunch Time. She tells me we don’t have Milk and Water for Andrea. I go to the grocery before work…I’m already pissed. To make matters worse I dropped an entire display  of cds when I accidentally hit the audio racks. Good thing I didn’t have to pay for anything.

Wednesday. She now tells me that we don’t have soap for Andrea’s clothes. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS WOMAN? I want to strangle her already.

Yesterday, Ruy wanted to go to a bookstore. I told him I couldn’t as I needed to work. I told him I’d go with him right after I finish the files I was listening to. He said it’s okay, he didn’t want to interrupt my work and that he’d go on his own.

I let him.

I am now eaten up by guilt. It’s the weekend, I shouldn’t be working. I should be hanging out with my family and relaxing. Yet the majority of the weekend was spent working on paid opps and working on my laptop for my real work. =( I feel like a bad wife.

I’m going to use these film strips from Gina Maria to show you guys some pictures which really warmed my heart, here are some photos from last Saturday showing some scenes between Ruy and Andrea.

Moments like these make me realize why things have to change. =) 

That night we weren’t 25-29 year old parents with bills to pay.

That night we weren’t corporate work horses slaving away over 8 hours each day just to give 32% of their salaries to the gov’t without a clue as to where tha money’s going.

That night we weren’t concerned about the dollar, or the economy of the country.

That night we didn’t worry about the issues of our extended families.

That night we regressed — we were 16, high school sweethearts maybe? Using our cellphone (which our parents bought for us) to capture the moments after our High School Dance. 

It was fun! Couples should regress every once in a while.

p.s.

Thank goodness for the internal camera of the Motorolla V6MAXX

Ruy has been incredibly sweet lately. When I say sweet I don’t mean things like holding hands, texting each other to ask if the other has eaten. I mean things like supporting my hair cut, trying not to get pissed when I go home late for work, or taking care of Andrea when she cries at 2 am because he knows I need to wake up at 4 meanwhile he needs to wake up at 6, it means taking care of our pest problems without me telling him as he knows how bothered I am by it. 

I am feeling quite touched and overwhelmed by the sweetness.  The psychologist in me is itching to get to the bottom of it. What triggered it? Why? What’s happening to him? Meanwhile the woman in me just wants to relish and enjoy it. I have to remind myself not to think but just feel.

I love the response to my Annoying Tag. I knew some of the people I tagged would be willing to reveal “not-so-perfect” quirks about themselves, i didn’t know that even the people they’ve tagged would feel the same. It was also funny hearing people say that 7 quirks is not enough for them…wahahah

In this time when we are constantly bombarded by images of perfection it’s hard to feel good about our “flaws”. I can just imagine people comparing themselves to these images of perfection and feeling like crap. I have heard of new moms feel like failures because their child is showing a preference to the care-giver. OR of moms feeling inadequate because they weren’t able to breast feed well.

 I believe that we, know what’s best for our families and ourselves.  No more SHOULDS, let’s celebrate our quirks our flaws.

“I am different from others, that’s amazing ! I do things differently…deal with it”

I believe that people take themselves too seriously some time. I think people should learn to look at how they have failed and laugh about it…when you laugh about something your entire mind set changes. Things which are grave seem less grave and you suddenly see hope in previously hopeless situations.

I also think we should begin to celebrate our quirks. Realize that our person, attitudes, habits are unique to us in one way or another.

In line with this, I am starting my own TAG. I am imploring people to tell me why they are annoying (annoying here is said lovingly…wahahha)

Instructions: List 7 quirks, habits, traits which make you annoying. When you’re done, TAG 7 others to do the same

1. 1.     When people msn me and I know they’re about to ask me something, I say “NO!” with an exclamation point even before they start their question.

1.  I quote the bible when I’m stuck in an argument…and sometimes my argument is not even from the bible. To make matters worse I state it in this way “You know  like in the bible, that fish thing where they say you teach the man and you feed him something like that”
2. When in meetings, I turn around on my chair….non-stop…as in legs hanging slowly and continuously spinning on the chair.
3. When people are serious in meetings, I suddenly say things like “I’m hungry can we eat”…in a really ditzy way. 
4.  I say the most inane things while in the middle of work.  For example, “Numi, we have to do something about the lack of trust between us. There’s a wall here” (while making a hand motion of a wall between us)…when all she’s done is ask me if I’ve seen her pack of cigs
5. I say “You suck” around 20 times a day. 
6.  I get my pronouns mixed up…I say he instead of she or she instead of he. Luckily I don’t mistake a he or she for an it.

I tag Ruy, Nuni, Jen, Marj, Gracita, Jean, Arvi, Nikki

p.s.

I could just go on and on with this list…thank you for the people in my team who were so enthusiastic in helping me come up with items for this list. IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE THAT EASY PEOPLE!!!

Aside from finding humor in motel ads such as the one you can see from this post, we were also able to find food. Not just any kind of food…good and affordable food.

You can see our story by looking at my version or Ruy’s version.

Can’t wait — Details Here

I was looking through some pictures Ruy took last week and I saw this one:

I am not happy right now. No it has nothing to do with my personal life. Let me put it this way…I HATE MEDIOCRITY, I HATE INCOMPETENCE. I specially hate it when it makes my life more difficult. There…nuff said!

I have decided to cheer myself up by thinking happy thoughts. The first thing that came to mind? What Ruy and I did last weekend…can you guess?

We watched an entire season of America’s Next Top Model!!! Can you believe it? Ruy would probably kill me for revealing this online but I really find it adorable. I still can’t help giggling when I imagine Ruy watching the show. I think he got hooked, he just refuses to admit it.  Weheheh

Two days ago, Ruy was asking me about my new obsession with digiscrapping. He had me explain what a kit is, what are the elements, etc. I thought he was just humoring me but NO!!! When I got home, the computer was open and there was an arrow pointing to a folder. Inside the folder are all these kits, ribbons, buttons and papers which he downloaded for me…tell me that’s not sweet!! It was soooo cute.

Here’s another LO by the way:

The papers are from

All elements are from the Spring Breeze of http://www.shabbyprincess.com

Flowers by Angie Briggs

Waaaah I don’t know where the butterfly’s from…wehehehe

I’ve been moaning and groaning about Ruy…when what I should have done is talk to him.  Now I finally have…and we’re okay. YAY!!

WOW, I heard this song over the radio and it left me mesmerized. When I read the entire lyrics I was even more awed at how well it captures my relationship with Ruy…hmmmm

This song is for Ruy (who visits this blog about once a year). Wow…

Flaws And All

I’m a train wreck in the morning
I’m a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I’m a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren’t even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

• Treat your spouse or partner as you would your best friend or best client. It is unfortunate that at times we treat our closest and dearest relationships in rude or even cruel ways.
• Think of ways you can do the unexpected and thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you were first dating and wanted to impress your loved one. Plan and carry out something spontaneous on occasion.
• Look for ways to compliment your spouse or partner. We all enjoy genuine compliments to brighten our day. Look for those qualities that first attracted you to your loved one.

• Express your thoughts and feelings carefully. While it is  important to be emotionally open and intimate with our significant other, being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone permission to “let it all hang out” in a hurtful manner.
• Learn to let go of the small stuff in disagreements. While serious conflict needs to be addressed, many couples argue over issues of little consequence. It can be helpful to ask yourself when you’re annoyed with your loved one, “will this matter next week?”
• Spend regular time together alone. It is difficult to remain emotionally close without making an effort to spend quality time together. A danger in long-term relationships is feeling as if you’re living “parallel lives” under the same roof. Relationships don’t run on “automatic pilot”. They take effort and work.
• Acknowledge each others comings and goings. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. Regular physical touch conveys caring and is an expression of love. Tell each other “I love you” every day. When you say the words, look each other in the eyes. All too frequently, we throw our “love ‘ya” out as we’re headed out the door.
• It is  important to slow down and spend some time focusing on each other at the end of the day. One couple I know have what they refer to as their “wind down” time each evening. They spend 20-30 minutes each evening checking in with each other and discussing the events of their day.
• Research has found that couples whose marriages or relationships last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin (their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. This means that they have appropriate contact with their families, without permitting their families to interfere with their lifestyle and decision-making.

Got this from Yna’s blog and I found it soooo interesting. Specially the last point about distancing yourself from your family. This is EXTREMELY hard for me to do. I am in love with my family and if there’s one thing I hate about being married it’s the fact that I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I want to. =(

I know what this post is saying is right, although knowing it is different from living it.

Liv: Can you give me one reason why you love me?

–silence–

After a few minutes…

Ruy: Cause you’re sweet.

– silence —

Ruy: Eh you can you give me a reason?

Of course I was able to do so immediately.

Is it karma? Cause I was berating Aaron for having to think for so long before giving me a reply when I asked him to give me his reason for loving his gf?

What does sweet mean anyway? In my heart of hearts I know I’m not sweet. If you will rate the people inside my room in the office I’ll probably be at the bottom of the list of sweet people. Is sweet the same as nice? Cute? Ok? The things you say when you can’t find something nice to say? 

I have a friend who always uses the word charming when describing babies who are not pretty. That way the mother wouldn’t take offense. Is sweet parallel to charming? Weheheh

I think it was someone from the bible who said no man can serve two masters. Well try serving 5!!

I’ve recently been seriously messing up my married life by doing stupid and completely avoidable mistakes. It seems that the more I try  not to mess up the more I do. I’m a bit discouraged at how difficult it is to be a good “everything”…right now I’m just a passable “something”…

Confusing? Yeah, I’m sure it is. Let me try to explain by first introducing my 5 masters.

1. Work
2. Family
3. Andrea
4. Ruy
5. Myself

That list of course was written randomly, however isn’t it funny that work is up there without my thinking about it? Somehow it seems that work is the only thing I’ve managed to still do well (although still not as well as I want to do it) . It’s so hard because every single minute I stay longer at work is another minute away from Andrea. And another minute spent on Andrea is one away from Ruy. Another minute spent with Ruy is one away from my family (family here refers to my lola, mom, sister, aunt, nephews, etc.)

– o –

I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be a good wife…

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and my mind can’t come up with a reason for me to say that I’m a good wife. I know how I’m a wonderful grand daughter, a great employee, a fun boss, a great sister, an ok daughter…I also know that if I had more time and a bit more practice I’d be an excellent mom…but I don’t know about being a wife. As I’ve mentioned earlier…no reason comes to mind.

– o –

I miss my family and most specially my sister. I see my grandmother almost every day but I almost only literally SEE her. I barely get to spend any time with her cause I have to hurry to work.

I see my sister once a week and yet again it’s really literally just seeing her.

– o –

You know my 5th master? Myself…I haven’t been able to do anything for her lately as well.

– o –

God please give me 30 hours in a day so that I may serve all my masters.

…Let me count the ways why I don’t. *insert a dramatic sigh here* People who know me would be able to attest to the fact that I’m not emotional, sentimental nor mushy. Somehow though I was feeling very sentimental and mushy today and so I asked Ruy before we slept “Why do you love me”…to which my husband replied “Cause you get me water when I’m thirsty”.

Just to explain this statement, for around half an hour he’s been hinting that he’s thirsty and I’ve been ignoring the hints. Yes I knew he was hinting, I wasn’t manhid…

Hearing his reply, I just said “Oh well, fine” and turned around to sleep.  This was not exactly the answer I was looking for but hell maybe I deserved that answer…

This question was prompted by a conversation I had with some officemates last week where the question was “What made you like your partner”. One man said “She gave me freedom yet she made me want to go home every night”. Beautiful isn’t it? I only wish I had a tape recorder right there and then so I can make his wife listen to what he said.  I’m sure she’d really appreciate that. Anyway, I asked Ruy hoping to get a response maybe half as sweet…but just as honest. But nooooo…and it didn’t stop there.

He realized I think that my question was a serious question and so he tried to save himself by saying “You make me happy and you make me suffer”….at this point I told him “Shut up”. I was not getting mad at him cause you can’t get mad at people for answering your question. If I couldn’t handle his response then I shouldn’t have asked.  I was a bit put off by his reply though. I just wish I didn’t bother asking. He sensed that I wasn’t taking his ‘humor’ well and so he said “No, the kind of suffering that builds character. At this point I just wanted to say…”go on ruy, dig yourself a deeper grave. you can do it!!” . He then asked me why I loved him. I replied by saying “Because I can make you suffer. The kind of suffering which builds character.” I left the room after that

When I returned he tried giving me a better answer but it just didn’t cut it anymore. What a stupid way to end our wedding monthsary.  Now I’m still up and I can’t sleep cause I’m still annoyed. hooboy 

I’ve had enough of looking like trash…I figured I better start anew right now. The thing is, I’ve been telling myself that I’d start taking care of myself again once I go back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Here’s the problem: I doubt if this will happen soon. So I will follow the musical RENT and claim my life today “No day but today” right?

So I’m starting by wearing shoes again (I’ll still wear Havaianas to work every now and then though). This is a breakthrough as my feet grew a shoe size when I got pregnant. So I was cursed to either wear my slippers or go barefoot. I’ve started buying shoes again and today I’m actually wearing shoes.

My next step is to wear glasses that 1. Fit the shape of my face, 2. Funky, 3. Actually matches the grade of my eyes (which also changed after pregnancy. So here is my new pair of eyeglasses:

It’s a funky yellow color that has hints of blue around the edges.  It’s quite cool…=)

I’ve also started fixing my hair every once in a while….baby steps…watch out world…in a few months I’ll be vavavoom heheheh

Sometimes I feel like I’m just an intermission in Ruy’s life… (mush)

Ruy drove me to work today, and he’s picking me up after. Just like in the past…I’m really thrilled about it. I must admit it’s getting harder and harder for us to do this now that Andrea’s here but we’re trying…

This is what I’ve been going through for the past two days. Ruy’s work has brought him out of the city again but this time it’s different, this is the first time he has left not only me but Andrea as well.

 Ruy and I have been going out for over half a decade and he’s been at this job for around 4 years so I’ve gotten used to this set up of him being goe 3-4 days a week. I would be a hypocrite if I said that it was easy. Hell No! In fact it was extremely tough at the beginning for me. I hated the fact that I can’t see him at will. That I needed to call others when I had car problems….etc. Then I realized that if it was tough on me it’s probably a dozen times tougher on him. At least I’m here in the city surrounded with friends but he is driving miles and miles accross deserted streets to places where he only knows handfuls of people. I know it’s even harder for him now that Andrea’s here.

While Ruy’s gone though, I realized that I’m playing a role of a single parent.  It’s both tough and great. The great part? I get to make my own decisions with Andrea without having to think about another person. I have become an extremely independent thinker and having to consider another person’s input in raising Andrea has been the toughest adjustment for me. I can also let Andrea cry without having to think about waking Ruy up…

Now the drawbacks…not having someone there. I realized that not having someone has an impact on one’s psyche. Every night I need to pscyhe myself “Liv, you might not get some sleep tonight so be prepared…” I know I’m not going to have a reliever if ever I get sleepy or feel tired. 

I think about it and I realized that there are a lot of people really go through child rearing alone. Wow! These women are amazing. I have the utmost respect for them and I realize the sacrifices they have to go through. These very sacrifices are probably the reason why some women choose to stay with assholes called husbands instead of leaving them. They’re afraid of having to go through everything alone. I don’t agree of course but I kinda see where they’re coming from.

Read this in another blog:

ellen
well, here you are on the cover of details magazine, looking very stylish..

(female audience cheers and hoots)

ellen
and the headline reads, “ashton kutcher.. may just be the best husband in the world”.

(ashton blushes)

ashton
the key word there is.. “MAY”!

(audience and ellen laughs)

ellen
no really, but why do you think they say that? what makes you the best husband in the world?

ashton
ah, well.. you see.. its simple. i have the best wife in the world.

(everybody now.. “AAAAAWWW..”)

I’m dying here people!! If Ruy were here right now I’d demand that he say the same thing about me….hahaha This made me like Ashton Kutcher…I demand that every woman watch his movies from now on!

I know I’ve been gushing too much about Ruy already but allow me to gush some more. We had a surprise “date” last night. Well it’s not really a date date but when I asked him to take me to the ATM he said let’s use this time to eat out, just the two of  for the first time in over 2 weeks.

It was really sweet, much appreciated and needed. PLUS he allowed me to order TUNA (something I haven’t been allowed to eat while I was pregnant) despite the fact that he hates fish.

One of the things I was afraid of about being a mother is the fact that most people assume that this should be your only and primary role. I love Andrea but being a mother is not all I am. I refuse to give up being an employee, a daughter, a friend, a bitch, a sister and of course a wife. I’m glad Ruy’s helping me make sure I don’t stop being a wife…

Luggages under my eyes that are so big and dark they could be mistaken for samsonites, still visible uterus that slightly jiggles, sweat sweat sweat despite not leaving the air-conditioned room, slightly limited movement due to the caesarian operation, no more privacy, no intimacy, snuggles which never last longer than 5 minutes, practically no communication as any extra time is just spent catching up on sleep…

No Johnson and Johnson commercial ever showed this side of post pregnancy. These are the things I honestly was not prepared for. And no don’t worry I’m not undergoing Post Partum Depression. I am actually quite content right now. I never imagined that despite all of those things I mentioned above,  I have never felt closer to Ruy. It feels like we’re finally really a team. I do admit it sucks that it’s the woman who suffers the brunt of the situation, all the sacrifices fall on the woman but still Ruy’s been a great companion through it all (just don’t count the early mornings…he’s insane during these period and can barely understand anything I say or ask).

I specially appreciates the trust he’s giving me in taking care of Andrea. You know how when you have a baby everyone’s telling you what you should do with your baby? Well they’re telling Ruy and Ruy would always ask me and if I say “No” he just believes that it’s best. I know that seems petty but I have friends whose husbands are assholes and demand to be the ones making ALL the decisions about the kids. Ruy has input definitely but he’s never bullheaded about anything and is always open to logical discussions about stuff….

I don’t know what the point of my post is =) I’m just gushing about my husband I guess…

I need…

•  more closet space
• pain reliever
• some uninterrupted sleep lasting at least 30 minutes.
• a massage
• a hug

=(

Taking care of Andrea has been extremely easy for me…why? Because my sister was born when I was 16 and a half and so I was able to take care of her, feed her, wash her, help bathe her, etc.  I was a pro at handling Andrea right off the bat. Ruy however had a slightly more difficult time. You see, Ruy is a big guy and I noticed that in the beginning he was so afraid of hurting Andrea so much so that his movements became really awkward.

Now, exactly a week after, he’s getting quite good!! He can now switch arms while carrying Andrea, lay down Andrea without waking her up, etc….woohoo…SNAPS FOR RUY!!

I really feel like a cow in a country fair being paraded in front of everyone to see how I look like…well I will oblige all you farmers.  Here’s Olivia, 9 months pregnant (but still wearing a non maternity top because she’s freaking stubborn)

SJ stands for….tantaran…Selos Jealous.  =) Hahaha Who would have thought that after two decades in this planet called earth I’d actually feel jealous. Ruy was shocked and so was I. 

Ruy and I were just chatting innocently when he mentioned how much more beautiful this girl has gotten.  He said it in this way “Grabeh, lalong gumaganda si ______, lalong nagiging kamukha ni Donita Rose.”….both Ruy and myself were shocked by my outburst of “WHAT????????”

This jealousy thing is completely out of character, in fact I even point out girls for Ruy and bug him about the fact that he doesn’t oggle at girls or that he doesn’t like girly magazines. But today was different for me somehow…Here’s the long and short of our discussion….

Ruy: Oh come one, I had all the chance when I was single we were very close and we had so much in common but I didn’t go for it.

Liv: See, but we weren’t very close and we had nothing in common…(at the back of my head my thought process was  “Hmmph, we didn’t have those but you went for me, why wouldn’t you go for this person now?”…also at the back of my head “Pucha, kamukha na ni Donita ‘close’ and ‘a lot in common’ pa, wala na talong talo na ako” )

Ruy: But I was single then, I’m married now. If I wanted her I would have gone for her then.

Liv: Yeah, but you said she’s boring. Now that you’re married it becomes illicit and thus it becomes more exciting.

Ruy: Oh come on, she’d never make patol cause she’s so religious….

Liv: WHAT? But you like religious…and I’m not religious….

Ahhhhhh…who would have thought the time would come when I’d feel insecure. It’s not really easy feeling confident when you look at yourself in the mirror and you look like a cow.  

I took pride of the fact that I’ve been picky with men. Yes despite my dating a lot of people then, I never took people seriously if they don’t match my criteria and I have definitely learned from past dating mistakes.

When I started going out with Ruy, most of my friends were surprised. I’m sure most of his friends felt the same about me. To make the long story short, we’re not each other’s type and people initially couldn’t understand how we could have ended up together.

I don’t know exactly how or why Ruy was ever attracted to me. I have mentioned this repeatedly on this blog. Ruy likes the fair mestizas who look pleasant and nice (ala Donita Rose) and nice is not something one would use in describing me unless she’s talking about my accessories.  We liked drastically different things and I was a very disagreeable person then. So it’s established then that Ruy has no logical explanation for falling in love with me. Now the question is, what about Olivia? What attracted her to Ruy?

I used to be all hoity toity and say that Ruy is smart and spoke well, etc. I realized a few days ago though that the initial attraction I felt for Ruy was not based on those things after all…we were sitting inside the car outside my grandma’s house listening to a lot of Barry White’s, BoyzIIMens, and other swoon worthy songs when I looked at Ruy and said “You had me at Doom Doom…”

Of course we ended up rolling over in laughter but it’s actually true. You see Ruy used to sing for several choirs and he sings the Bass part of a lot of the songs. So he has this deep, full voice which he used whenever he would call me or speak with me. Call me shallow, call me superficial but it drove me insane. I specially loved it when he’d sing the BoyzIIMen songs with his bestfriend Cyril (who sang the tenor part) and his entire repertoire as the Bass would be “Doom doom…Ba-doom doom…doom dooom…”….hahaha.

Foot and Mouth Disease? Nope, for me it’s Foot Stuck in the Mouth. I’m sure it’s quite obvious for everyone that my ramblings on this blog are spur of the moment ramblings with no consideration as to what people would be thinking or the effects of such posts.

One such post is  How to Make Olivia Fall in Love With You , Ruy rarely reads my blog but he actually read that one. Now he has keys to my psyche which is not always a good thing. See last night I was so pissed off at Ruy (for a super shallow reason) and I was determined to get mad at him as soon as I wake up. BUT NOOOOOOO, Ruy hugs me as soon as I wake up…I was disarmed!! How am I supposed to get mad at him now???

10 Years Ago – I was in high school and I felt so mature.  The Spice Girls were the most famous human beings on earth =) and I was clad in neon greens and oranges. For one particular day (our school sports fest) I even sported green eyebrows. I cringe just thinking about it. I was not a very obedient person and kept on coloring my hair despite the fact that the nuns strictly prohibited it. I told them I didn’t dye my hair, it’s natural cause I have spanish blood. hahaha…

5 Years Ago – Ruy and I have been going out for a year at that time. That was probably the most tumultous period in our relationship. Ruy and I were both incredibly young and stubborn…it’s a wonder how we surpassed that stage. College was just a place to hangout and I didn’t take it too seriously…I regret this so much right now. What an idiot I was!

1 year ago – Ruy and I spent all our time, money and energy preparing for our church wedding. We were in Tagaytay a year ago to see what the temperature is in the area during this period. We were also preparing to attend Angie’s wedding. =)

Yesterday – was at work, my office mates threw me a surprise baby shower and I was extremely extremely touched. I am rarely surprised but they were able to pull it off without a hitch. My boss was even in on it, he called me to his office for a”meeting” which was apparently just a way to get me out of the office. =)

Today – I’m supposed to be getting married in church today. It feels so weird, I can’t believe we were willing to spend that much for a 4 hour affair…what were we thinking? We spent the day working instead, RUy dropped me off my office and then he drove off to his.  You won’t believe how happy I am about the fact that Ruy didn’t make a fuss about my going to work.

Tomorrow – I want to rest. I just want to sleep and blog. =) heheeh

I realized that as this is my blog I’m entitled to be as mushy as I want to be =). So forgive me for this little bit of mush. Those who easily feel nauseated or grossed out, you have been warned. ..

I was reading the valentine’s issue of one of the more famous magazines here in the Philippines when I came across this article which documents the transormations which relationships go through. First there’s the sexual attraction stage, then another stage and another stage (sorry I don’t remember what they’re all called). But basically it says that couples usually don’t feel the first 2 stages as much when they’ve been together for a long time. Here are the three stages:

First Stage

• Do you ever get tingly when you think about your sexy romps with him?
• Do you feel like wearing sexy clothes for him excited to see how he’ll react?
• Do you get goose bumps all over your body when he looks you up and down?

Second Stage

• Does everything feel like it would be more fun with him there?
• Do you find yourslef daydreaming about the cute things he does?
• Do you still get excited when you know you’re going to see him soon?

Third and Final Stage

• Do you call each other first with big news, whether it is good or bad?
• Do you feel calmer and happier than you’ve ever been with anyone else?
• Would you give up a night with the other girls to cheer him up after a very bad day?

I was surprised to see that I would answer yes to each and every question. Wow, is this love? (hehehe) . Well RUy and I haven’t been together that long, we’ve only been together for 6 years so that’s not really saying a lot. BUT BUT BUT, our entire relationship has lasted longer than both of Britney Spears’ marriages or even all of J-Lo’s marriages put together. Isn’t that great?!! =)  I guess this means that we deserve a little pat in the back for choosing to stay together all these years. We shouldn’t be so smug about it though, we know we have such a long way to go and I bet it would get even more challenging once Andrea joins the picture.