Over 6 people have told me that their head hurts when they talk to me. I make their head hurt primarily because of the questions I ask. It’s just the way I am.
I came across a question which has been making my head hurt for the past couple of days.
“I lead a small life. Valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder – do I do it because I like it? Or because I haven’t been brave?”
A friend of mine posted this on her FB wall and the emotions it stirred from within me are beyond words.
Growing up I always said that my greates fear is mediocrity. I don’t want to die and say “that’s it? that’s all i accomplished?” I always believed that I was meant to do something special, something great. I never once defined what that great thing was.
I looked at Andrea 2 weeks ago and it dawned on me that she’s the best contribution I have on this earth. I felt at that time that I need not worry about my fear of dying mediocre anymore, I’ve given birth to this amazing human being and there’s no way I can call my life mediocre. This thought left me at peace for a few days…until I came across the post above.
Am I living this small but undoubtedly valuable life because that’s what I’m meant to be living or just because I’m afraid? I really don’t know and not knowing makes me afraid.
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July 19, 2010 at 1:35 pm
Jen
i’m going to steal this quote!!!!
July 21, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Litzie
WTG Mommy Liv…
My mom sometimes say that a mother’s contribution to society is how her children turn out to be. I guess, it’s still one of the greatest contribution any person can have.
August 5, 2010 at 8:49 pm
dee
Livy, I also live a small but valuable life. And every now and then I question why I chose this life when I was the least maternal person I knew. But when I see myself donating money I could use to buy jewelries/branded bags, shoes, and even clothes (and one’s not that expensive ha?!), or making parties simpler so we could donate more out of sheer gratefulness, I KNOW without a doubt this is the life for me. You know it’s been so long ago that I’d almost forgotten. When I was in high school and univ, my life was much more glamorous. But even then, I remember going to Fat Willy’s (diba dati uso yon?) and thinking, this is it? We act as if this is so exciting but this is the most boring thing. I remember there were nights I’d ask myself, what’s the point to all this? And then I married Denis, and life seemed more beautiful. Then we had Reich and now shoti. And it’s true I’ve lost my drive. But you know what really was driving me to look so perfect, pursue the perfect looking life? Emptiness. Now I look so far from perfect and my life seems so boring, except this is the bestest thing that’s happened to me. That bday depression thing I used to have that. Xmas and bdays, I’d be depressed. But now, it really is happy bdays and merry xmases for me. even before, really nice trips abroad were lost on me (except the shopping part) but now, because I see everything through my children’s eyes, every trip is fun and worthwhile.