June 2010

Sabrina is so affectionate. I don’t really understand where she could have gotten this trait as I am one of the least affectionate human beings on this earth. I was called “bato” remember? Sometimes when we’re out my bestfriend would hold my hand and at the back of my head my thought process would be “Oh shit, where do I put my other hand? Am I supposed to lean my head against her? Do I have to walk slowly?”…you catch my drift. So going back to my daughter. She’s so affectionate and I really can’t imagine how she ended up that way. Ruy is affectionate to me sometimes but it’s with effort. I know it’s not something that comes naturally to him so it’s definitely not genetic.

So it’s not genetic…I suppose it’s her exposure? Nature vs Nurture with nurture winning and influencing her personality a whole lot more.

Every morning when she wakes up she looks for me and says “Good morning Mommy!”. Then she will go to wherever I am and snuggle with me. She also snuggles with me at various points in the day. It drives me crazy (in a really good way) and my heart just melts over and over and over again.

I was exchanging emails with a blogging friend regarding my post earlier and it was sort of agreed upon that for some people the issues (Please don’t assume that we’re having major issues, we’re talking minor irritations for us both here) which arise on the 4th year could be just a matter of the two people acclimating to the relationship. I believe the expression we used was finding our rhythms.

It dawned on me a few minutes after that this is precisely what marriage is all about. It’s about two people who are developing at the same time but at different directions and at different paces. The challenge, as well as the key to success I suppose, is to find a common rhythm that works for both of you.

Easier said than done I know.

More than 7 of my friend’s marriages met their demise on it’s 4th year. I don’t really understand it but this seems to be a trend nowadays. I wonder why? Is it because this is the point when routine and boredom starts setting in. When we start to pee in front of our partners or fart when our partners are in the room? (I still haven’t done the farting thing but Ruy was freaked out when the door was ajar when I was peeing)

This is our 4th year of marriage and I’m kinda getting paranoid about it.

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I mentioned this concern to my friend Avril when we had dinner a week ago and she said that I shouldn’t worry. She said that based on her observation Ruy and I are very stable. She said that we seem to have this ability to talk about our issues without hurting each other. I almost choked on my own saliva when I heard this.

How strange to hear these things. It was a reality check. I think that before hearing that from Avril I still saw Ruy and myself as we were in college. The couple who argued all the time (mostly because of me) and who would play mind tricks and such. I realize that these things don’t happen anymore. I guess we have matured somehow. Thank God because way back in college one of my best friends used to call us the most dysfunctional couple ever.

I have a school girl. OMG. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that Sabrina is really that big now. When on her second day she didn’t even notice that I wasn’t in her room anymore because she loved her school so much, I felt both elation and sadness.

Elation, because I know how badly she needs social interaction and this school seems to be the best venue for it. Sadness because…oh my God, she doesn’t need me that much anymore.  I know it’s unhealthy but being a mom, part of my sense of self is formed by how much my daughter loves me. I realize that I was less ready for Andrea to go to school than she was.

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I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a few friends from high school and it was an eye opener of sorts. They had all these assumptions about me which were all pretty much erroneous. It was so strange considering that these are two friends who were pretty close to me. (But luckily they don’t read my blog)

So they mentioned that in HS all my clothes were branded and all my stuff were expensive — assuming of course that I was a spoiled and pampered person. Ahmmm false. I didn’t buy branded stuff. I didn’t have the money for that.  I wore stuff from the tiangge’s in greenhills and I also wore my mom’s clothes. So in high school I was wearing slacks and stuff.

They also assumed that I lied when I would tell them that I didn’t study for school. I really didn’t. I listened in class…then I barely even took notes. I did read books for fun. There were times when I would study…like when I felt I was failing. But as a general rule I really didn’t study.

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My best friend from high school mentioned something that really threw me off. She said “Admit it, you have some sort of superiority complex”. OMG. She then went on to ask if I don’t often feel I’m better than other people. Oh my.

I don’t know how I was in high school. I must have seem like such a horrible person. I don’t know how I could have projected these things when as any normal teenager I was plagued with self doubt and insecurity. How arrogant I must have been then. I sure hope some things have changed.

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My friend also mentioned that she now uses me to illustrate what a good mother is. That melted my heart. I couldn’t think of a better compliment than that.

She said that she talks about how she has this friend (i.e. me) who used to be the biggest party girl and really made an about turn when she became a mom. Ammmm there’s another misconception. I was never a party girl. I don’t like night clubs or parties with a whole lot of people I don’t know.

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This girl is the 3rd person who found out that I was pregnant a few years ago. When I told her she texted me and said “Please don’t abort the baby”. That thought never even crossed my mind!

Putting that instance together with my stories in front I realize how little this girl really knows me. I can predict her actions, label who’s going to be her next crush. Figure out what book, movie, song she’s going to like but she doesn’t know me at all.

I wonder if that’s my fault or hers. Maybe I haven’t revealed myself enough to people leaving them no choice but to assume, but then again maybe she didn’t even try to really get to know me.

Andrea’s sense of humor really matches my own sense of humor and I often find myself cracking up because of her antics.

The other day, she was close to throwing a tantrum she kept on saying “No mommy….., No mommy….”. Then she suddenly stopped. She looked at me, smiled and started singing “No mommy, no mommy but you” (to the tune of Nobody but you”

Isn’t that so cute?

I posted in my FB about being happy. It has something to do with finally finding something to do that I love, that works with my schedule, and that pays reasonably well.

YEY