2 nights ago Andrea asked to be put on her high chair so she can color her books. I carried her to the chair, zipped her up and sat on the sofa.
I was watching her from across the room when I realized that her foot goes way beyond the foot rest of the highchair and her head extends way beyond the back rest. Andrea looked terribly out of place in that baby apparatus. I can deny it all I want but I know that she is slowly becoming a little girl.
I felt a bit panicky upon this realization. I have mastered the art of being a mother to baby Andrea but I’m not sure I know what it means to be a mother to a little girl. I don’t know if I know how, I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I’m ready.
I am 26 years old. What business do I have raising a little girl? I’m practically still a little girl and God knows I still haven’t learned all the lessons I should have learned from my childhood.
I used to console my fears about motherhood by saying that there are so many stupid people out there who are able to raise kids, I should be able to do the same. The problem is I don’t want to raise Andrea like a stupid person would. I am not satisfied with just barely raising her. I want to raise her with values, with morals, with faith. How do I do that when I’m not even sure how much of those things I have (if any at all?).
I’m scared. I don’t know if I’m the best person for this job, problem is I am the only person for this job.
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May 22, 2009 at 6:11 pm
leirs
hi sis!! I feel that way all the time. My kids are growing up way to fast and i feel overwhelmed that I want to do not just a great job but I have to do my very best. It’s not just your job to raise her it’s Ruy’s job too. As they say it takes a village to raise a child.
May 23, 2009 at 2:32 am
Marj
I know how you feel. I’m way older than you and I’m a lost at times when it comes to raising children. Don’t you sometimes wist they came with a manual?
May 25, 2009 at 11:35 am
dee
i can relate. we know we have so many shortcomings, issues, etc etc, in other words, so completely flawed and yet we are being tasked with child-rearing, for me, one of the most, if not the most important job in the world. and leirs is right, it takes a village to raise a child. but i prefer to keep the village idiots far away from my child. i look back at how i used to behave with my nephews and nieces, some things i did right but the million other things i did wrong (not out and out hurting them but more of not being nurturing/patient enough), tsk tsk. i feel for moms especially those surrounded by people who don’t understand the way they want to bring up their child (so guilty of this with my nieces and nephews). especially now, they’re learning so quickly, ABCs, 123s, etc etc. just the other day i was telling denis not to give in so quickly to reich especially when he’s throwing a tantrum (for fear of creating a brat) and i told him twice, ” denis don’t do that” and reich copies me by saying “dada, don’t do dat” i really have to watch myself. even arguments with denis have to be very very civil, no more raising voices, etc etc livy you don’t post anymore andrea milestones ah! post more of those, i know she’s advanced so i gauge reich’s progress by her (and yakee). as long as he’s in the vicinity he must be doing well hahahah