April 2009

We have always been taught that we should be grateful for things we have and for what we are. As a child, gratitude did not come naturally. I guess there is a certain arrogance that comes with youth. My looks are mine, my talents are mine, who is there to thank for the things I have?

I have felt a certain sense of unease when I hear people say things like “Oh I’m grateful my husband is not like that” or “I’m so thankful that I don’t have those problems”. It seems very snobbish. It reminds me of the parable of the Pharisee (God, I’m not sure if I’m using the proper parable here), the one who saw the sinner and thanked God for not being like the Pharisee.

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In the audio file Vicki gave me one line says “Stop thinking of yourself as more blessed. Thinking this way means that others are not blessed. God doesn’t work that way, we are all special and blessed in our own ways”

I’m finding it hard to follow this as I cannot help but think that way sometimes. When I see a sick kid I can’t help but say a silent prayer thanking God that Andrea’s not that sick kid. I feel bad that I am somehow finding something positive in me in other people’s suffering. Isn’t that somehow selfish?

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Ruy said there’s nothing wrong with that. He said something like if seeing other people’s suffering can help show us things in our lives then somehow there becomes more value in the suffering. It becomes a little bit more positive. It serves a purpose.

His example was. If I see a man with no hands, it should help me reflect and think about what I do with my hands. His suffering can help me in my realization.

It makes a weird sort of sense but I cannot fully own this explanation.

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While I was in line at the grocery last night I found myself extremely irritated. There were two very noisy and giggly teenagers behind me (pretty much exactly like how I was when I was a teenager) and I didn’t have the patience for them. I was tired from work and I still had to rush home to bake and the last thing I needed was to listen to teenagers giggling about…NOTHING.

While the cashier was ringing up my purchases I glanced at the teenagers to see that the gigglier (new adjective here) one of the two only had one hand. I literally and seriously felt chills run down my spine. (I’m feeling the same chills as I type this).

She literally transformed right before my eyes. From a stupid giggly teenager to a brave, happy soul who chooses to look at the brighter side of life.

Wow. Ruy, it makes sense now.

N-O. I am not pregnant! I have been asked that question 5 times today alone (and I thought I was losing weight). Why? Do I exude pregnancy?

Last year, when Andrea turned 1, we took this picture of her.

This year, when she turned 2, we took a similar photo.

I wonder if those clothes will still fit her next year?

Look at Ruy’s gift for me last Christmas!!

One pendant says “seek beauty” while the other has Ruy and Andrea’s names. =) I love it so much I haven’t taken it off!!

Make your Stick Figure Family at FreeFlashToys.com

I was reading one self-help blog and it talked about people not liking themselves and how it manifests in the way they lead their lives. It suggested writing down 25 things you like about yourself and I thought I’d give it a try.

1. I like my wit.
2. I like my openness
3. I like my family
4. I like my husband
5. I like my daughter.
6. I like my integrity
7. I like how I always try to improve myself
8. I like how I’m surrounded by such strong and wonderful women from whom I can draw inspiration.
9. I like the concern I have for people.
10. I like how my painful past experiences have somehow left me relatively unscathed.
11. I like my lips
12. I like my nose
13. I like my boobs
14. I like how I am as a mother.
15. I like my decent math skills
16. I like my logic
17. I like my multitasking skills.
18. I like my new found appreciation for the simple things in life.
19. I like my quest for positivity.
20. I like how I can remain relaxed despite being in a stressful situation.
21. I like my curly hair.
22. I like my strategic mind.
23. I like being able to identify the wants from the needs (this is super new)
24. I like the new commitment I have to my marriage.
25. I like the overwhelming love I feel coming from my Ruy, Andrea and my family.
26. I like my calm and relaxed demeanor.

This has got to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It’s quite sad when I realize that it would have been so much easier for me to write the things I don’t like about myself. I bet if I did that list it would reach up to 70 with no problem! Wow.

I would love to see your lists guys.

I can’t get over the kinds of dishes we had last Easter!

Lunch was spent with my inlaws where my BIL cooked crab using Ruy’s family recipe (which is AWESOME), we also had prawns, clam soup and tandoori chicken. I was so full I wanted to roll down the street to our house.

Dinner was courtesy of Ruy.  Ruy found this awesome disposable grill which inspired him to cook ribs. RIBS! I have always wanted to eat ribs with my hands and not care about the sauce all over my face and this dream came true last Sunday. We had this huge rack of ribs with Ruy’s home made barbecue sauce. Ruy paired it with grilled japanese sweet corn and grilled pineapples (both from our Tagaytay trip) and I was in heaven. During the meal I kept telling Ruy “Omg, this is insane. I can’t believe we’re having this meal at home!!”. I was telling Ruy that a meal like that would easily cost us 2,000 in a resto and it cost us less than 500 because of Ruy. Snaps for Ruy!!!

So what is the result of this? Ruy didn’t lose any weight this week and neither did I. Do I hear weight loss pills calling our names? I think I do!

Last Friday, Ruy surprised us with a daytrip to Tagaytay. And oh boy were we ever surprised. We found ourselves with only 2 pieces of diaper, 3 bottles for her milk and one puny bottle of water for Andrea…we forgot her brush, and her shoes too!

You would think that with all of that this trip would be a disaster right? Wrong! It was so much fun!!! Here are some pictures.

Here’s Andrea playing somewhere in the grounds of Calaruega.

This is Andrea with her yaya. This yaya is such a blessing. Andrea loves her and she’s extremely patient with Andrea. She also get terribly excited when Andrea learns something new.

And of course, we wouldn’t leave Tagaytay without our mushroom burgers!! Andrea was not so keen on the burgers so she just ate their pancit canton. Cost of merienda for 3 adults and 1 baby? 296! Imagine that?

Ruy was really awesome during this trip because:

1. Well, just because he thought of going in the first place.
2. He was extremely patient with Andrea who kept trying to tickly him while he was driving. She even tried tickling him with her toes.
3. He carried Andrea up Calaruega….can you imagine?
4. He insisted on visiting practically every single corn vendor in Tagaytay just to find the particular kind my grandmother likes. This was without any prodding from me okay? I was so touched.
5. He thought of pasalubong for my family! He said we should buy more pineapples for my family’s dinner.
6. He was super attentive to what we wanted. Andrea wanted fries? Olivia wanted buko pie? Go go go!
7. He insisted that we take the yaya along so she can see Taal. I love it when Ruy’s nice to our yaya.

It was a short, inexpensive trip that we all enjoyed. I’m still smiling right now just thinking about it.

Mr. Romantico did it again, and he didn’t even know it.

When I go to work I usually have my mp3 player on and my mp3 player is ALWAYS ALWAYS on shuffle mode. This way I never get bored cause I always have a different line-up to listen to every morning. This morning while parking I suddenly heard Ruy’s voice singing an Eric Bennet song (sorry the title escapes me at this moment). This was a recording he made a week or so ago and he sent it to my phone through Bluetooth. I had completely forgotten about it until I heard it playing this morning

I had to smile…

A few years ago, I decided to give my mom a really nice “adult” present. What does that mean? I was around 19 and I felt like I should move away from giving her ugly house decors she doesn’t really like anyway…hehehe. So I thought, and thought, and thought about it until I came up with a perfect plan. I was going to get our baby pictures and frame it.

Problem number one. Our pictures were of different sizes

Problem number two. Our pictures were of different colors. My mom’s was black and white, mine was almost sepia and my sister’s was colored.

Problem number three. I had no scanner.

Problem number four. I had no budget. WAhahaha

Despite all the problems, I was able to come up with this: (Thanks to all my friends who helped me, with the scanning, printing, framing…I swear a lot of begging was involved in the creation of this gift.)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this frame cause we’re all 2 years old here. Isn’t that great? The best part is that Andrea will now be a part of this frame cause she’s now 2!!! Yey!! I’m so excited. Here’s a closer look at our photos.

That’s my mommy!! Hahaha…my grandmother said that she was perpetually silaw as a kid cause her eyelashes were super light, that’s why she’s frowning.

This is me. Grinning stupidly as usual. They used to call me mickey mouse cause my cheekbones and small chin make me look like mickey. I kinda have to agree.

And lastly, my baby sister Helena. The grumpiest of them all. Hehehe

Miss you dear!

I’m pretty content with where I am and more importantly with who I’ve become right now. I realized though that there is this tiny part in me which will forever feel like a failure for not pursuing med school.

This feeling is very illogical. I know I’m not cut out for med school…I know I won’t be happy telling people they have cancer or mesothelioma, yet somehow I still feel that way. I guess the idea that I should be a doctor has been ingrained in me for so long that it’s really so hard for me to shake it off.

I had the best night last night. We talked for a really long time. We talked about interesting things like relationships and priorities and psychology and child rearing (the topics I love in other words). We talked facing each other without a toddler yanking at our hands.

Most importantly, WE talked – not I talked. It was awesome.

(I just realized it’s our wedding monthsary today)

…lest you be judged. We all know this saying, yet somehow we all find it so easy to be judgmental.

Here’s a chance to see how well you really know your significant other. Cut, paste and fill in the answers, then forward . . . shoot, you know what to do. The real challenge is to send it to your significant other to see how right you really are.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Horror (Supernatural or any scary movie) or Anime!

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Caesars

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?
He generally doesn’t like raisins on dishes but he would eat it on his own. He’s not a fan of sour fruits and sour things.

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?
Cherry Coke. If there’s a macho mug for beer, he’ll have that just because he likes the big mugs.

5. Where did he go to high school?
Eeeps…I’m not sure

6. What shoe size does he wear?
11-13…he usually needs the bigger shoes for rubber shoes (Cause he has to insert an arch support thing pa)

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?
OH GOD. He’s a hoarder! He’d collect anything…liquor bottles, books, he once collected stamps pa.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Spicy sausage with everything on it, if there’s a horseradish spread it would be better.

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?
He wouldn’t. He really likes variety and finds it hard to eat the same thing for two meals.

10. What is his favorite cereal?
He’s not really a cereal guy but he has been trying to eat oatmeal lately.

11. What would he never wear?
Short shorts and sandals

12. What is his favorite sports team?
He prefers playing basketball to actually watching.

13. Who did he vote for?
I’m not sure. I think he was choosing among Macapagal, Villanueva and Roco. I’m not sure who he eventually voted for.

14. Who is his best friend?
Cy!

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?
Bitch and Nag

16. What is his heritage?
Manilenyo

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?
He used to like my choco mouse thing

18. Did he play sports in high school?
Don’t think so

19. What could he spend hours doing?
watching DVDs

20. What is one unique talent he has?
His talangka dance…wahahaha

(As if we needed more shoulds!!)

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…

enough money within her control to move out,
rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to… –> check

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
something perfect to wear whether the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour… –> NO, I don’t have anything like this. Damn it…will have to work on this soon.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
re-telling it in her old age…. –> Hell yeah! My life could be a Mexican Telenovela

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
one friend who always makes her laugh…and one who lets her cry… –> I have several who make me laugh, but I think only Ruy lets me cry, does that count?

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored… –> Nope! The last time I had people over I had to ask them to bring their own plate…wahahaha. This is sad

A WOMEN SHOULD HAVE…
a feeling of control over her destiny…. –> Yup I do.

…and

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself… –> Never had problems with this.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job, –> I’ve done this
break up with a lover, –> I suck at this
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship… –> Yes, I’ve done this many many times.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder…and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…  –> I think this is still unclear for me.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.. –> Oh my Lord. I’ve known about the hips thing since I was 8, the calves thing since I was 16…the parents thing? Since birth! Doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope though. =)

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over… –> Yes, yes, yes.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more… –> I once thought I knew what I wouldn’t do for love. Now that I have Andrea…everything is being questioned again.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone…even if she doesn’t like it… –> I’ve always known how to do this.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust, whom she can’t, –> I’m a horrible judge of character. I trust practically everyone.
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…  –> I know this in theory.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go..
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing… –> I know, it would be in my grandmother’s house…or anywhere with Ruy.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year… –> I honestly don’t

My bestfriend tried to pull one on me last Tuesday. I received a text from her at around 8pm.

BF: I think I’m gay
Me: Yeah right, april fool’s!
Me: Aren’t you a bit too old to be playing these tricks after all in a couple of days you’ll be turning **.
BF: I’m sooooooo HATING YOU right now!!!
Me: You f*cking started it!
BF: Well you didn’t have to rub my age on my face.
Me: Sometimes I love how annoying I can be. How can anyone be as annoying as me?
BF: I don’t think that’s possible.

In high school, I had this reputation as this person who can’t be teased. If anyone were to try, I would just throw it back at them and they end up being more annoyed than I am.

I think this is a skill. Do you guys know any job out there which can use this kind of skill? (no I don’t want to be a politician)

My hair has always been very easy to manage. I basically just wash it, brush it (occassionally), pull it up or leave it down. No products, no rituals, nothing. I am beginning to worry though if maybe what I’m doing is not enough? You see for the past 3 weeks I’ve been experiencing serious hair loss and I’m bothered by it.

This is not the first time I’ve had problems with falling hair. I’ve experienced this twice before, once after an extremely high fever and next after giving birth. In both cases though the hair loss can be explained and so I didn’t have to undergo any hair loss treatment. (Although I did consult dermatologists).

My old derma said that these things happen around 3 months after severe stress. Could that be the reason for my hair loss? Can I once again blame my company for my physical problems? This is an interesting idea!

Hehehe

Our summer plans are currently non-existent. Ruy and I are both so busy with work that we haven’t even thought about going anywhere. Ruy’s family has been trying to plan something though. My mother-in-law was offering to take us (Ruy and me) to Singapore with her. This offer came with free air fare and free stay at hotels. The downside, Andrea won’t be going with us so I wasn’t sold on the idea.

The plan fell through for one reason or another and now it’s my father-in-law who’s trying to come up with something. He wants to go to the beach. This one I kinda like cause I’m pretty sure Andrea would enjoy it. I hope the beach we would choose would not be so crowded…

I personally just want time to stay at home. Though it seems that even that is not possible….sigh.

While staying in a San Diego hotel I was feeling really good about myself. It was as if I was on top of the world. I was young, independent. All alone in a country thousands of miles away from my family — this might seem like a bad thing but to a teenager it’s a very good thing.

I remember approaching a man and asking him where the comfort room was. He then looked at me with the sleaziest eyes and said “Well honey it depends on what comfort you’re looking for”.

The words don’t really mean anything bad but at that moment I felt terrified. It was then when I realized that I don’t really want to be that far away from the people that matter. If that guy was a serial killer (yes people, I’m paranoid. I think we’ve established this already) it would take my family around 3 days before they could confirm that I was even missing and a lot longer to know that something happened to me.

That memory was so useless, yet somehow it altered my way of thinking. I’m being weird again I know….

Pardon me. I’m in a very lazy mood and I cannot even imagine writing paragraphs. I will be using bullet points again today.

• I finally realized what I’m really good at and what I really want to do with my life. This is a very exciting thing for me.
• I don’t know what it is about Sunday meriendas but they really make me feel good.
• I wonder if Andrea would ever know the extent of my love for her. I guess that’s my role as a mom huh? To make sure she understands this.
• When I was in a bad state of depression and wanted to do bad things to myself, what stopped me was the thought of my grandmother and Ruy crying.
• I had two criteria for choosing a boyfriend among my suitors before. 1. They should love me more than I love them (which was something my mother said in passing and really stuck to me somehow) and 2. If they’re worth the fight I would have with my mother if ever she found out I had a boyfriend. Needless to say,  a lot of guys didn’t make it because of these two.
• I never really understood just how influential a mother can be until I wrote those down. Wow, my mother unknowingly chose my husband.
• When I see my old team sad, it literally breaks my heart.  It also makes my want to buy Macky’s….hahaha
• I’m beginning to enjoy cooking.
• I always try to annoy my grandmother by insisting that I cook better than her.
• I can only cook around 5 things.
• It’s ridiculous how fiercely loyal I am. It takes a lot of really bad things before I will even consider ending friendships or relationships.
• My old job and motherhood has taught me so much about who I am and what I really want.
• I sometimes worry that Andrea might end up exactly like me…and it makes me sad that this thought worries me.
• It has crossed my mind in the past that maybe there is someone out there who would be better equipped to raise Andrea…then I realize just how ridiculous that is.
• I don’t think Ruy knows that I am really looking forward to watching American Idol with him every week.
• I love love love watching Iron Chef and Top Chef but I always end up so hungry after. =(
• Expectant mothers should all be required to attend a motherhood training thing before giving birth…it should be in the law or something.
• It amazes me that one of the most motherly person I know (my aunt) does not have a biological child.
• Andrea’s 6 chicks are turning out to be really matakaw teenaged chickens…if Ruy ever pulls another stunt like that (bringing home pets) I will throw a serious tantrum…and not sleep in the house till he returns the pet.

You see how messed up my thoughts are?

• When I go shopping I usually take a basket and dump everything I see (which I like) in the basket. I then edit my selection while I walk around the shop.  Sorry sales people, I am that annoying person who leaves stuff in different parts of the store.
• Ruy sometimes gets shocked when he sees the number of things inside my cart or basket. He doesn’t realize that those have not been screened.
• I do the same with books. Last week, I had 8 books in my basket and I ended up buying 2.
• Speaking of books. I went to National Bookstore last Sunday with Ruy and Andrea. Ruy came up to me holding 2 books. One was a small coffee table book about handbags which was marked down to 200 and another is a book about motivation which was marked down to 150. I had to keep myself from smiling…these were the books I ended up not buying last week. Imagine he was able to pick these out of the thousand of books in the shop. Amazing huh?
• I prefer going to shops on my own. I really take a lot of time when shopping and only a handful of people have the patience to stay with me. Ruy tries but he still gets impatient sometimes.
• Ruy offered to buy me Crocs last Sunday. I told him not to bother. I love how comfy they are but I cannot stand looking at my feet when I’m wearing crocs. We spent the money on clothes, shoes and nipples for Andrea…then we bought food from the grocery. I think that’s money better spent.