September 22, 2008

I wish I can put into words the emotions whenever Andrea’s face lights up while running towards me. It makes all the stretch marks, the sagging tummy, the scar, the loss of personal time all worth it. The fact that Mommy is her most used word now doesn’t hurt too.  

This is what I feel when I look at my baby.There are so many aspects of her being, or her personality and of her development that never fails to stun and surprise me.

 I am awed by her development. I cannot believe how perfect a child’s development is. Looking at how a child grows, learns, progresses forces you to believe in a greater being who planned all of this out.

I am awed by  the extent of my love for this person I barely even know. How can you have this much attachment, love, affection for someone I just met a year or so ago? It doesn’t make sense at all.  I am almost frightened by how much I love Andrea.

I am awed at how having a daughter changes your perspective. It makes you feel more connected to people. Every single person I see is someone’s child. Every mother I see knows what I’m going through. Every child could be mine. The philosophy of motherhood…being one with the other. It’s humbling.

I am awed at how natural motherhood is for me.

I am awed by how loved Andrea is by Ruy’s family and mine. 

I am awed at how much my daughter loves me. I don’t understand how she singles me (and Ruy) out from all her other caregivers. How she shows preference for us when we don’t spend as much time with her. I wish I could be always worthy of that love. I wish I know what I’m doing right so I could keep on doing it.