July 2007

It’s going to be a tough week, a week when I have to do things I’ve been dreading doing. When I’ll have to face issues I knew where there but I wish I didn’t have to face.

It’s funny how some people might think that this is a blow which will destroy what I stand for when in reality it’s not. It’s a blow alright, but it’s a blow which will lead to better processes which in turn will strengthen that which I stand for.

There was one person I trusted completely and blindly. I thought this person will see the truth and “save”  what I stand for. I’ve poured everything I know out to this person in order to show this person the gravity of the situation. Nothing happened. Maybe the trust was misplaced. Maybe the trust was too much. Maybe the only thing I can trust is myself and what I stand for.

Cryptic? Perfect!

For thinking that there might have been an ounce of sincerity in this person. 

For thinking that maybe, the change stemmed from the soul.

For thinking that maybe there was no malice in the past actions.

I’ve learned my lesson, no bread will be broken between us. 

I’ve been moaning and groaning about Ruy…when what I should have done is talk to him.  Now I finally have…and we’re okay. YAY!!

WOW, I heard this song over the radio and it left me mesmerized. When I read the entire lyrics I was even more awed at how well it captures my relationship with Ruy…hmmmm

This song is for Ruy (who visits this blog about once a year). Wow…

Flaws And All

I’m a train wreck in the morning
I’m a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I’m a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren’t even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

• Treat your spouse or partner as you would your best friend or best client. It is unfortunate that at times we treat our closest and dearest relationships in rude or even cruel ways.
• Think of ways you can do the unexpected and thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you were first dating and wanted to impress your loved one. Plan and carry out something spontaneous on occasion.
• Look for ways to compliment your spouse or partner. We all enjoy genuine compliments to brighten our day. Look for those qualities that first attracted you to your loved one.

• Express your thoughts and feelings carefully. While it is  important to be emotionally open and intimate with our significant other, being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone permission to “let it all hang out” in a hurtful manner.
• Learn to let go of the small stuff in disagreements. While serious conflict needs to be addressed, many couples argue over issues of little consequence. It can be helpful to ask yourself when you’re annoyed with your loved one, “will this matter next week?”
• Spend regular time together alone. It is difficult to remain emotionally close without making an effort to spend quality time together. A danger in long-term relationships is feeling as if you’re living “parallel lives” under the same roof. Relationships don’t run on “automatic pilot”. They take effort and work.
• Acknowledge each others comings and goings. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. Regular physical touch conveys caring and is an expression of love. Tell each other “I love you” every day. When you say the words, look each other in the eyes. All too frequently, we throw our “love ‘ya” out as we’re headed out the door.
• It is  important to slow down and spend some time focusing on each other at the end of the day. One couple I know have what they refer to as their “wind down” time each evening. They spend 20-30 minutes each evening checking in with each other and discussing the events of their day.
• Research has found that couples whose marriages or relationships last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin (their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. This means that they have appropriate contact with their families, without permitting their families to interfere with their lifestyle and decision-making.

Got this from Yna’s blog and I found it soooo interesting. Specially the last point about distancing yourself from your family. This is EXTREMELY hard for me to do. I am in love with my family and if there’s one thing I hate about being married it’s the fact that I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I want to. =(

I know what this post is saying is right, although knowing it is different from living it.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
My credit card. When I charge items to my card, I don’t feel remorseful, but when I get my bill, I always get a feeling of dread. I never learn.

2. What’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
Anywhere secluded and dim

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
Oh my God…when my bestfriend Carmi and I downed a bottle of tequilla

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never

5. Name of your 1st grade teacher?
Mrs. Javier. I saw her in a resto just recently and she remembered my complete name and even told me stories of how I was in grade school

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Sleeping…or lying down having a long discussion with Ruy…or playing with Andrea…or watching Andrea sleep.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A teacher…that dream actually came true for a couple of years

8.How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one?
1

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
I wanted something a bit professional looking.  

10. Gas Prices! First thought?
I want to cry

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would you go and
with whom?
I want to move to Australia or Canada with Ruy  and Andrea.  I really enjoyed Australia the last time I was there and the people were so pleasant.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Yes Andrea, Mom’s coming. No need to cry..

13. Last thought before falling asleep last night?
I’m sad

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Black bikini or boy leg with lace

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
I like the ones which are considered briefs but are a bit long

16. What Errand/Chore do you despise?
Nothing right now…I don’t do errands

17. If you didn’t have to work, what would you do?
Work…I’d still work even if I didn’t have to. I LOVE my work

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in. I need sleep right now

19. Your favorite cartoon character?
Beavis and Butthead…they’re just fun.

20. Favorite non-sexual thing to do at night with the opposite sex is?
Talk. Talk. Talk some more

21. A secret that you wouldn’t mind everyone knowing?
I’m not sweet at all

23. Your best yo momma joke?
Don’t have one.

24. Beach or Lake?
Beach

25. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
Yes!!! I only got married because 1. My family would die if I didn’t, 2. Ruy wanted to, 3. I wanted the tax breaks. I think marriage is an optional thing…Ruy and I were married long before our wedding.  

26. Who do you stalk on FRIENDSTER?
No one really.

27. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Blogging…chocolates!!  Oh and chismis!!

28. Movie you wouldn’t want anyone to find out you like?
May Minamahal with Aiko and Aga Muhlach

29. What’s your drink?
I have water right beside me

30. Cowboys or Indians?
Cowboys…

31. Cops or Robbers?
Robbers if they look like the ones from Ocean’s 11

32. Stiffler or Oz?
Stiffler…he’s funny

33. Norm or Cliff?
I have no idea who these are

34. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Not getting in touch with my friends more.

35. Do you have a teddy bear?
Nope, but I have a stuffed dog which is 18 years old and I’m passing her on to Andrea

Liv: Can you give me one reason why you love me?

–silence–

After a few minutes…

Ruy: Cause you’re sweet.

– silence —

Ruy: Eh you can you give me a reason?

Of course I was able to do so immediately.

Is it karma? Cause I was berating Aaron for having to think for so long before giving me a reply when I asked him to give me his reason for loving his gf?

What does sweet mean anyway? In my heart of hearts I know I’m not sweet. If you will rate the people inside my room in the office I’ll probably be at the bottom of the list of sweet people. Is sweet the same as nice? Cute? Ok? The things you say when you can’t find something nice to say? 

I have a friend who always uses the word charming when describing babies who are not pretty. That way the mother wouldn’t take offense. Is sweet parallel to charming? Weheheh

I think it was someone from the bible who said no man can serve two masters. Well try serving 5!!

I’ve recently been seriously messing up my married life by doing stupid and completely avoidable mistakes. It seems that the more I try  not to mess up the more I do. I’m a bit discouraged at how difficult it is to be a good “everything”…right now I’m just a passable “something”…

Confusing? Yeah, I’m sure it is. Let me try to explain by first introducing my 5 masters.

1. Work
2. Family
3. Andrea
4. Ruy
5. Myself

That list of course was written randomly, however isn’t it funny that work is up there without my thinking about it? Somehow it seems that work is the only thing I’ve managed to still do well (although still not as well as I want to do it) . It’s so hard because every single minute I stay longer at work is another minute away from Andrea. And another minute spent on Andrea is one away from Ruy. Another minute spent with Ruy is one away from my family (family here refers to my lola, mom, sister, aunt, nephews, etc.)

– o –

I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be a good wife…

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and my mind can’t come up with a reason for me to say that I’m a good wife. I know how I’m a wonderful grand daughter, a great employee, a fun boss, a great sister, an ok daughter…I also know that if I had more time and a bit more practice I’d be an excellent mom…but I don’t know about being a wife. As I’ve mentioned earlier…no reason comes to mind.

– o –

I miss my family and most specially my sister. I see my grandmother almost every day but I almost only literally SEE her. I barely get to spend any time with her cause I have to hurry to work.

I see my sister once a week and yet again it’s really literally just seeing her.

– o –

You know my 5th master? Myself…I haven’t been able to do anything for her lately as well.

– o –

God please give me 30 hours in a day so that I may serve all my masters.

- after 11 hours…I have finally finished the book.

Of course that’s 12 hours interspersed with a crying baby, a fight with my husband, meals, and a horrible migraine…but I’ve somehow managed to finish it so all is well. =)

Bonjour…naks French. hahaha

Would you believe I actually received several emails asking me to post more Paris pictures in my blog, I never imagined people cared. Or maybe they just want to get tips for themselves. Oh well, either way here are some of my photos from the trip. I intentionally removed pictures of the Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa (well truth be told I didn’t really take a picture of that painting cause it was just too uninteresting for me)  as I don’t want to be too typical.

I don’t really think people would be too interested to hear my stories so I’ll just let the pictures do the talking.

Oh and Jen…I included crazy party pictures for you. Van, the LV flagship store in Champs Elysee is there too…click on the photo to make it bigger.

Nawawala, bumabalik…heto na naman!!

Yeah! It looks like I’m back to my old ways. I left the office at around 11pm last night and now it’s 7 am and I’m back here again. I actually wouldn’t be whining about it except Andrea wouldn’t sleep last night. She was up from 12mn up to 1:30 am. Then she slept and woke up at 3:00 am. The thing is, she didn’t want to drink milk or to be lulled to sleep…she wanted to play.  hooboy

So here I am in the office with around 3 hours worth of sleep all in all but I still feel quite okay.  I hope I get to offset some of my extra hours tomorrow though…haaaay

My boss told me this the other day…basically because I was being an irritating BiBo Kid…wehehehe. I realized though that that’s exactly what I want to tell Andrea. HOLD YOUR HORSES ANDREA…stop growing for a while!!

I hate how fast Andrea’s growing…it’s insane. My first sign of growth is when she went from a small diaper to a medium. Huhuhu…I felt like crying when I first bought that pack of diapers (i was partly crying out of relief, the medium size diapers have the biggest pack and so they’re cheaper to buy than the small diapers…hehehe). Next sign of growth is the fact that last Saturday Andrea was able to roll from her back to her tummy by herself. MY BABY’S A GENIUS!! wahahaha It’s been hard for her to replicate this event because everytime she tries she gets distracted by her hand and ends up trying to eat her hand which in turn makes rolling so much more complicated. This morning though, I layed her beside me so we can get a few more hours worth of sleep (she woke up at 4:15am) and I woke up to someone eating my arm…and lo and behold there’s my little cochinillo on her tummy trying to eat her mommy’s arm…awwww. (it sounds sick I know). She was also able to roll back to her mmm back last Sunday. I’m panicking at how fast she’s growing…next thing I know she’ll be borrowing my make-up. NOOOOOO! Third sign of growth,  last Sunday we had to remover her bassinet cause it can’t hold her anymore and she now has to sleep in the playpen of her Pack n’ Play.  Fourth and last sign of growth…language acquisition. She’s talking so much!! Mostly she’s trying to complain (Ruy claims she got this trait from me and I agree with me) but last Thursday she actually uttered syllables which makes sense..she said “Mama”. Well actually this is strongly being contested by Ruy who claims Andrea said “ama”  but I still stand by the fact that Andrea said “Mama”….Needless to say I’m tickled pink by this fact…wahahaha

It was hard for me to gain footing in my current job…things were set up before I was there and I decided to sit down and observe things first before I go on and stir things. I learned this from our principal Sr. Gabby Concepcion when I was in high school. During her first year, she just sat down and observed everything first…the next year she implemented changes. I was gearing up to do this and had really important meetings when the year started…then I was hospitalized.

Looking back, I realized this is when everything started steam rolling. I would leave for a while…then when I return things would be established and I’d have to start gaining my footing again. (confinement, pregnancy, etc.) Now, I finally feel like I have my groove back.   I can finally focus on work for a looooong time and think analytically and not emotionally.

I hope my CEO is right when he says “This is only the beginning…”.

…Let me count the ways why I don’t. *insert a dramatic sigh here* People who know me would be able to attest to the fact that I’m not emotional, sentimental nor mushy. Somehow though I was feeling very sentimental and mushy today and so I asked Ruy before we slept “Why do you love me”…to which my husband replied “Cause you get me water when I’m thirsty”.

Just to explain this statement, for around half an hour he’s been hinting that he’s thirsty and I’ve been ignoring the hints. Yes I knew he was hinting, I wasn’t manhid…

Hearing his reply, I just said “Oh well, fine” and turned around to sleep.  This was not exactly the answer I was looking for but hell maybe I deserved that answer…

This question was prompted by a conversation I had with some officemates last week where the question was “What made you like your partner”. One man said “She gave me freedom yet she made me want to go home every night”. Beautiful isn’t it? I only wish I had a tape recorder right there and then so I can make his wife listen to what he said.  I’m sure she’d really appreciate that. Anyway, I asked Ruy hoping to get a response maybe half as sweet…but just as honest. But nooooo…and it didn’t stop there.

He realized I think that my question was a serious question and so he tried to save himself by saying “You make me happy and you make me suffer”….at this point I told him “Shut up”. I was not getting mad at him cause you can’t get mad at people for answering your question. If I couldn’t handle his response then I shouldn’t have asked.  I was a bit put off by his reply though. I just wish I didn’t bother asking. He sensed that I wasn’t taking his ‘humor’ well and so he said “No, the kind of suffering that builds character. At this point I just wanted to say…”go on ruy, dig yourself a deeper grave. you can do it!!” . He then asked me why I loved him. I replied by saying “Because I can make you suffer. The kind of suffering which builds character.” I left the room after that

When I returned he tried giving me a better answer but it just didn’t cut it anymore. What a stupid way to end our wedding monthsary.  Now I’m still up and I can’t sleep cause I’m still annoyed. hooboy 

I got tagged by Jen and it made me realize that my heart is full of love…not hate…naks

1. Food you hate – nothing I’ve tasted but I’d never eat raw monkey brain

2. Fruits that you hate – nothings again!! although the gooseberries I had last week wasn’t so pleasant

3. Veggies that you hate – ampalaya but I’m still trying to learn how to like it

4. Celebrities or people that you hate – i hate George Bush and things he’s done. I hate the people who abuse the freedom given to them which eventually leads to less freedom for everyone, i hate people with no compassion, i hate people who don’t seem to understand the concept of personal space, i hate people in the service industry who don’t seem to know how to serve efficiently

5. Event/Incident/Situation that you hate – Jen, it wasn’t Jose Rizal who died for our sufferings…I think you’re referring to Jesus. hahahah… I hate it when people who claim to be feminists then ask their men to carry their stuff, pay for everything, take care of them. I hate having to justify things like why I’m not married in church or why Andrea’s not yet baptized. Religion is a choice, don’t force your choices on me please.

6. TV Shows or Movies that you hate – I hate Wowowee and how it’s corrupting the kids in my family. I hate Who’s Line is it anyway.

7. Type of Music that you hate – Country

8. Household chore that you hate – cleaning the bathroom, hands down. –amen Jen

9. Things you hate about the world – War, selfishness and corruption of officials.

10. Things that you hate about yourself – my lack of focus and discipline

Yey Jen…I’m done =)

I had a meeting with practically everyone higher than me in one table. Most of my requests were shutdown but I LOVED IT. It was wonderful seeing the bigger picture in terms of work. In my job as QA we receive most of the complaints and every complaint seems like a BIG DEAL. Seeing the points of view of all the people (particularly the CEO) I realized how problems should be analyzed and prioritized.

I think this is the most important thing I learned throughout the trip…that and how to say tap water in French.